Scars Make Us Who We Are
by PsychoGlambertLIVE
Summary: Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Tommy and Sauli at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some hard decisions. He knows he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.
1. Thanks For Loving Me

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER ONE**

_Thanks For Loving Me_

"FUCK!"

Adam enjoys hearing the screams he can elicit from his two boyfriends; it makes him all the more harder, if that's even possible. He adds another finger to the two he's already got shoved up Tommy's ass. "Scream for me, baby. I want to hear you scream."

"G*ddammit, Lambert!" Tommy's body bucks at the feel of Adam's dry fingers working his tight hole open. "Use some G*ddamn lube for Chr*st's sake! You're fucking hurting me!" Tommy buries his head in Sauli's lap, opening his eyes to see Sauli's cock just a few centimeters from his face. He sticks his tongue out, giving the slit a tiny lick.

"Vittu! Tommy!" Sauli throws his head back, inadvertently falling into his native tongue. "Olkaa hyvä...lisää! NYT!"

"Oh, you want more? Now? Getting kinda bossy aren't we?" Adam grins devilishly, stilling the movement of his fingers in Tommy's ass.

"At least he said please," Tommy pants, trying to recover his composure; but that is pretty hard with Adam's fingers still inside of him. He gives Sauli's cock another lick just as Adam pulls his fingers out, which causes Tommy to scream in pain at the friction of Adam's dry fingers rubbing against his hole.

"Hold on a minute, Tommy Joe..." Adam opens the top drawer of his nightstand that is beside their bed. He rifles around through the handcuffs, floggers, and other sex toys until he finds the lube. He pours a generous amount in his hand, knowing that Tommy loves getting messy-more reason for them to take a shower and fuck again. He slides three of his slicked up fingers inside Tommy again, not giving him any warning.

Tommy moans against Sauli's dick, which is in his mouth at the moment. He loves the feel of Adam working him from the inside out.

"Minä tarvita sinä, Adam." Sauli twists his fingers in Adam's thick black hair. "I need you..." he translates, his Finnish accent thicker than usual. That always happens when he's fucking his boyfriends-he loses all track of his surroundings, caught up only in the desperate need to touch and be touched. "Please!" Sauli leans back against the headboard, spreading his legs open wide.

Tommy crawls between Sauli's legs, sucking his dick all the way. As one, the three men move together until they are all laying down on the black duvet that covers Adam's king-sized bed.

"Open Sauli up for me, Tommy Joe," Adam instructs, his voice husky from the massive erection he is sporting. He needs to be fucked-bad. He hands Tommy the lube.

No need for anything else. They stopped using condoms a while ago, once they determined that this wasn't going to be just about sex. They were all together in this relationship; they loved each other. But they also made sure they got tested before throwing out the condoms-you can't be too careful.

And going bare-back is way hotter than being safe, anyway.

Tommy hands the tube back to Adam. "Slick me up." He couldn't let Adam have _complete_ control.

Adam grins wickedly, quickly pouring the lube in his palm. Grabbing Tommy's hard dick, he runs his lube-covered hand up and down the shaft, making Tommy groan in pure ecstasy. Letting go, he slaps Tommy's ass. "Sauli needs it. Go."

Tommy slips his small body between Sauli's smooth legs and can't help but notice Sauli's cock just _there_, waiting to be touched. He can't help himself. Before getting in position, he gives Sauli's dick the sweetest, tiniest, softest kiss.

Sauli's whole body jerks up at the featherlight brush of Tommy's lips against his cock, his fingers clutching the duvet so tightly his knuckles turn white.

Tommy puts the head of his dick against Sauli's tight, perfect hole, slowly pressing his throbbing cock into the warm heat. He pushes past the ring of muscles that are squeezing his dick so tight that it's almost painful. Tommy knows he's hit that spot in Sauli's ass when the Finn cries out, clutching this time at Tommy's arms, which are on either side of his body.

Adam sits back on the bed, enjoying the show that's happening right in front of him. He strokes his throbbing cock, up and down, up and down. Watching his two boys give it to each other turns him onto the point of wanting to come at just the sight. One sun-kissed, the other moon-kissed. One who's cheery, optimistic personality is reflected in the exotic flowers and birds tattooed on his sexy, toned body; and the other, who's dark, sometimes morbid and pessimistic take on life is glimpsed through the greyscale horrors marking his tiny, alluring body.

Two very different people, who's only common wish is to please Adam; yet, somehow, they complement each other perfectly, and are as close as any two people could be to one another. He could never ask for anyone better than these two men who willingly give themselves to him, no questions asked, no doubts ever crossing their minds as to the strangeness of this relationship.

Sauli and Tommy's cries bring Adam back to reality, making him realize he was stroking his dick while he was daydreaming. Crawling across the bed, he gently rests his hand on Tommy's lower back. "I think he's ready. He's gonna come if you don't stop, Tommy. Tommy. Tommy!" Adam finally shouts in an effort to stop Tommy's deep thrusting into Sauli.

Tommy pulls out, collapsing in Adam's arms, shaking. Adam pulls Sauli into his embrace, holding them both tightly.

"We're ready, Adam," Sauli whispers, out of breath.

"Okay, you're okay. Adam's going to make it all better." Adam nuzzles each of them, running his hands through both of their blonde locks: Sauli's soft curls and Tommy's thick fringe. "You were both so good for me...So good to me..." Adam murmurs, gently laying Sauli down on his side, then Tommy in front of Sauli. "I'm gonna work ya 'til you're totally blown..." Adam sings softly, sexily, making them all laugh. He takes his place behind Sauli, resting a hand on his boyfriend's tanned hip. "Go ahead, Sauli..."

Sauli climbs on top of him and touches the head of his erected cock against Tommy's hole, gently pushing inside.

Tommy gasps when Sauli's cock pushes inside him, past the tight ring of muscles, hitting that spot that makes him see stars. Sauli slowly starts pulling out, then pushing back out, again and again; the head of his dick hitting that sweet spot every time, right against his prostate.

Tommy's gasps are the only sounds in that bedroom; until Adam settles himself flush against Sauli's back and enters him with one deep thrust. Then Sauli's cries join Tommy's, their two voices mingling.

Adam starts the rhythm, in and out, in and out. Slower, then faster. Whenever Adam thrusts into Sauli, it travels through to Tommy. The three move together as one, waves of pleasure and ecstasy rolling through each of their bodies.

Sauli comes first. Shutting his eyes and crying out, he shoots hot cum deep into Tommy's ass. The feel of Sauli's sticky warmth inside of him throws Tommy off the edge. He can feel his orgasm start in his lower back, feel it travel to his overly-sensitive cock. Tommy gasps as his dick clenches and then releases, his cum spilling all over his stomach and the duvet. He collapses into Sauli, trying to calm his fast-beating heart.

Seeing Tommy's cum all over the bed, Adam feels himself losing control. His measured, even thrusts into Sauli turn erratic, losing all sense of rhythm. Adam can feel his orgasm coming. "Oh, God," he moans, just as he explodes in Sauli, filling his boyfriend's ass with his thick, hot cum.

"Ride it out, baby," Tommy whispers, suddenly by Adam's side, his hands lightly cupping Adam's hips.

Adam reaches climax, shaking slightly when the intense vibrations fade away. Slowly, he pulls out, his dick covered in the sticky wetness of his cum. He collapses on the bed, spent, pulling his two boys close to him, one on each side. He kisses each of them in turn, gently running his hands through both of heads of blonde hair. "I love you both so much," Adam murmurs into the darkened room.

"I love you, too, Adam," Sauli and Tommy echo in perfect harmony, which sends them and Adam into a fit of giggles.

That night, they fall asleep cuddled together, Tommy and Sauli wrapped in Adam's warm arms. Sometime during the night, Adam groggily wakes up to the cool air on his naked body. Pulling the covers out from under his boyfriends, he settles back down between the two, the blankets encasing the three of them.

Before falling back asleep, Adam whispers, "I love you guys. There is nothing else in this world I could ever wish for. Thanks for loving me..."


	2. No Escaping When We Start

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER TWO**

_No Escaping When We Start_

Adam wakes up to the smell of coffee, an empty bed, sunlight streaming through the windows, and a dull ache in his lower abdomen, telling him he better make a run to the bathroom. Climbing out of bed, he grabs his pajama pants from floor where they were tossed last night, pulls them on, and pads quietly down the stairs.

He finds Sauli in the kitchen, along with Tommy, which is unusual for the latter. Adam is always up before Tommy in the mornings. Sauli's standing at the marble counter, fixing his breakfast drink in the blender and, Finnish customs shining through, sipping his coffee from a saucer. Tommy's sitting on the counter next to Sauli, drinking black coffee from his favorite mug; _The Exorcist_ is printed on it in what is a creepy immitation of dark red blood. A bottle of whiskey is beside him.

"Morning, Sunshine." Adam wraps his arms around Sauli's waist from behind, giving him a peck on the back of his neck.

"Morning, Adam," Sauli replies, craning his neck around to smile at his boyfriend.

Adam steps over to Tommy, taking his face between his hands and giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead. He clears his throat, raising his eyebrows at the whiskey. "At nine in the morning?"

"What? I don't even get a 'Morning, Pretty Kitty' before you start on my drinking?" Tommy pouts, widening his brown eyes innocently and looking up at Adam through his thick lashes.

"Good morning, Pretty Kitty," Adam says obligingly. "But you know I don't like you drinking this early. You're not, um, having another..." he trails off.

"No! I'm having a perfectly fine day. Did you notice the duvet was gone?" Tommy asks, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah...What did you do with it?" Adam takes the cup Sauli hands him and gingerly sips the steaming liquid. Just the way he likes it, dark chocolate flavored coffee with the perfect amount of milk mixed in.

"Washer. You do not want to see it," Tommy answers, looking at Adam through his silky blonde fringe falling in front of his eyes. "We made a mess last night." He grins wickedly at Sauli.

"WE?" Sauli retorts. "I think the mess came from you, Tommy Joe!"

"But I wouldn't have made the mess if it weren't for you two fucking it out of me last night!" Tommy hops down off the counter, grabbing the bottle of whiskey, and goes over to Adam, who is now sitting at the kitchen table. Setting his mug on the table, Tommy takes his place on his boyfriend's lap.

Adam shifts uncomfortably from Tommy's weight pressing on his bladder. "Uh...Tommy, sweetie, could you, um, move?" Adam grimaces uncomfortably.

Immediately, Tommy's face falls. "What?!" he screeches, causing Adam to clamp both hands over his ears. Tommy's eyes start to tear up.

"Uh-oh..." Sauli mutters.

"Calm down! I just have to go to the bathroom! And it's making it worse when you sit on me!" Adam wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend's waist.

Suddenly, Tommy's hurt look turns to one of arousal. "Ohh...I see..." Giving Sauli a suggestive grin and cocking an eyebrow, he starts rotating his hips and presses his ass into Adam's lap-hard.

"FUCK!" Adam leaps up, knocking Tommy off, and clutches his crotch, a pained look on his face. "You almost made me friggin' piss myself!"

Sauli looks at Tommy, who looks at Adam, who looks at both of them. Shock registers on Adam's face. Tommy licks his lips.

"You wanted me to piss myself!" Adam accuses Tommy.

"Well...not yourself so much as wanting you to piss on me, but..." Tommy shrugs.

Sauli grabs Adam's hands in both of his. "Please Adam? You haven't gone since last night, right?"

"You guys," Adam sighs, exasperated. "Come on."

"Oh, we'll come alright!" Tommy pinches Adam's ass as the three men walk upstairs to the master bathroom.

Adam pulls Tommy through the bathroom door, Sauli following close behind. "You asked for it, Thomas..." Adam strips his black t-shirt and pajama pants off, revealing his bare ass.

"Where'd your boxers go?" Sauli asks, coming up to his boyfriend and stroking a finger down the length of his cock. "Naughty..."

Tommy turns the shower on and grins at Adam and Sauli, who are kissing passionately. "Let me in!" He whips his clothes off and snuggles his naked body between Adam and Sauli's.

They all stand like that for several minutes, touching and kissing, until Adam can't ignore the ache in his bladder any longer. Sauli's clothes are thrown off and they all manage to stumble into the shower, eager to give each other what their bodies are telling them they need. It's a damn good thing that when Adam was looking for a house to buy, he was thinking of his boyfriends and the size the shower would need to be if they were all going to fit in it.

Tommy grabs Adam's dick, rubbing his thumb over the slit, making Adam buck into Sauli. "How bad is it, baby?"

Adam throws his head forward, wrapping his hand around Tommy's, which is still holding Adam's cock. "Bad," he gasps.

"Let us fuck it out of you," Tommy demands, squeezing Adam's dick.

"I don't know if I can hold it..." Adam whimpers, his bladder threatening to betray his mind, which is telling him _not yet_. He isn't even really erected, despite being in the shower with the two people who always turn him on-no matter what. Adam knows he won't be able to hold it much longer before it just comes out without him wanting it to. He also knows that that is exactly what Tommy wants.

"When I get you hard you won't have to go as bad." Tommy's brown eyes gaze into Adam's blue ones pleadingly.

Adam can see the arousal in those eyes that he's looked into for the last three years; as a friend, as a sexual partner, and now as the boyfriend who he loves with all his heart and soul.

Sauli places his hands on each of Adam's hips, pulling him into the spray from the showerhead.

Adam moans, the feeling to let it all out stronger than ever. His eyes widen in alarm when he sees Tommy bend down and take nearly his whole length into his open lips. "Tommy! Don't!" Adam gasps, unable to stop the small amount of urine from leaking into Tommy's mouth before he clenches his muscles tighter. "Sorry!"

Tommy narrows his eyes wickedly, sliding his mouth tortuously slow down Adam's cock. Tommy stands up, making sure Adam's eyes are locked with his own before he swallows loudly and grins like a Chesire cat. "Yum." He cocks a dark eyebrow, daring Adam to say something.

Adam's mouth drops open. He can feel himself harden, yet at the same time, he is horrified, repulsed even. How could Tommy possibly be turned on by Adam pissing in his mouth? But he is. He knows that look that is plastered on Tommy's face at this very moment. What the hell? Might as well go with it. "Fuck me."

Tommy grins widely, elated. "With pleasure." Pushing Adam into the wall so his back is to them, Tommy grabs Sauli's hand and whispers in his ear. "Double penetration. He'll get such a hard-on, he won't be able to piss until he comes." Tommy quickly gives Sauli a kiss, all tongue.

Sauli presses into Adam's back, giving him a wet kiss on his neck before pushing his cock inside Adam's tight hole. He goes in slowly, allowing Adam a chance to get used to the burning stretch. Sauli thrusts gently, eliciting little moans from Adam.

At the same time as Sauli's working Adam, Tommy is pecking little kisses all over Adam's wet body. Starting at the top of his head, Tommy's lips make their way down to Adam's mouth, kiss their way down his neck, then to his chest, over his stomach, finally reaching their destination at his erected dick.

At the feel of Tommy's lips on his throbbing dick, Adam gasps loudly, biting his bottom lip. His fingers curl against the cool tile of the shower wall, where his burning face is resting. "More..." he growls, not satisfied at the slow pace his boyfriends are setting.

"That's what we were waiting for." Sauli pulls out half way, thrusting back in hard. Again and again, in and out. Everytime hitting that spot in Adam that makes his vision go black around the edges.

Just when Adam thinks he's going to come, Sauli slides out. Adam lets out a small cry at the emptiness he feels. He starts to turn around, but is stopped when Tommy roughly pushes him back into the wall.

"You're gonna get it now, Lambert," Tommy whispers deeply in his ear.

Sauli touches the head of his cock to Adam's hole, moving over slightly so Tommy has room. Sauli pushes his dick in, just as Tommy positions his next to Sauli's. Sauli pushes deeper, ever so gently, while Tommy slides in next to him.

"Wha-what are you guys do-ohh..." Adam stammers, fighting the urge to scream at the burning pain that shoots through his ass and all the way up his spine.

Sauli and Tommy continue pushing into Adam, filling him, slowly stretching him. Tommy has to hold himself back from shoving his dick all the way up Adam's ass and thrusting erratically; after all, he doesn't want to actually hurt Adam. But the friction between his dick and Sauli's is making it hard to control himself; and by the look on Sauli's face, he is having the same problem. Tommy grabs Sauli's hand, threading their fingers together, and reaching out, clasps Adam's hand in his other. Sauli does the same, so that all three of them are linked. Tommy squeezes Adam and Sauli's hands, letting them both know that this is it. Tommy smiles to himself. "There's no escaping when we start..." he teasingly whispers, his lips brushing Adam's ear gently.

Adam swallows audibly. "Please..." he begs. "I want it..."

Tommy gives Sauli's hand another squeeze.

Sauli starts the slow rhythm, Tommy matching his pace. Each the time they pull out and push back in, Adam cries out at the pain. In the warm water and the heat coming from their bodies, all three of them lose themselves, just focusing on the feeling of loving and being loved.

Sauli and Tommy slam into Adam, pulling out and pushing back in, increasing their speed with each thrust.

Adam can feel the tension building in his back and dick. "You guys, I-I'm gonna...come-" His sentence is broken off by Tommy's cry. Adam drops his head, letting go of his boyfriends' hands to brace himself against the shower wall as Tommy, then Sauli, both shoot streams of hot cum in his ass. Adam takes it all, breathing through the pain of being double penetrated and the incredible feeling of both of his boyfriends coming inside of him. Adam moans as Tommy and Sauli slowly pull out of him, the friction of their cocks against his tight muscle causing even more pain. But Adam likes it, the pain.

Tommy twists his long, pale fingers in Adam's dark hair, yanking his head back forcefully. He grabs Adam's throbbing, erected dick, running his hand up and down the shaft, squeezing rhythmically, rubbing his thumb over the slit.

"Ohh-ow! Fuck!" Adam thrashes against Sauli, who is holding him from behind. Adam starts pumping his dick into Tommy's hand, gasping when the orgasm starts. His muscles tense, tighter and tighter, relaxing when he releases all the cum from his swelled up dick, streams shooting out, soaking him, Tommy, and the wall.

Tommy roughly pulls Adam's head down to his own, crushing their lips together in a passionate, wet kiss. "Let it out," he whispers seductively.

Adam whimpers, pushing the last of his white cum out. As soon as the erection that had been occupying his mind front and foremost has gone down, the overwhelming urge to relieve his bladder is right there again, stronger than ever. This time he doesn't hold it back. He relaxes his desperate clenching of his lower abdominal muscles, the piss shooting out of his cock. The stream is forceful after waiting so long. Adam sighs, finally feeling better. The cramps in his stomach are starting to subside, even while he is still going.

Tommy swallows loudly, getting turned on again from watching his boyfriend piss. He wedges his body between Adam and the wall, wrapping his skinny arms around Adam's neck.

Adam continues pissing, even though Tommy is in front of him and is now getting sprayed. By the look on his boyfriend's face, Adam doesn't think he minds too much. Tommy always had his weird kinks. Burying his head in Tommy's shoulder, Adam pushes the head of his cock against Tommy's stomach, his piss running down Tommy's dick and legs and into the shower drain.

When he's finally done, Adam leans heavily against Tommy, Sauli still pressed into his back. They stay like that for several minutes before Adam wriggles out from between them.

"Let's get out of here before our skin is permanently pruned." Adam cracks a small grin at his two boyfriends, grabbing the shampoo from the rack on the shower wall. Soaping up and rinsing off, Adam steps out, wrapping himself in one of the monogrammed fluffy black towels hanging on the wall. Sauli and Tommy step out of the shower soon after, both having wrapped the black towels around their waists.

Adam grabs his vanilla-scented lotion out of the vanity, handing it to Tommy, knowing how much Tommy likes rubbing it into his skin for him.

Tommy takes the bottle, squeezing the sweet-smelling lotion into his hand. He massages it onto Adam's freckled back, pecking little kisses along his neck.

Once Tommy's done, Adam gets up off of the floor where he was sitting and grabs his makeup bag. He's powdering his face when he hears his phone ring. Walking into the bedroom, he picks up his iPhone from the nightstand. Glancing at the caller I.D., he sees it's his manager, Marc White. "Hey, Marc," he answers, tucking the phone between his shoulder and ear, going back to the bathroom.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I TRIED CALLING YOU 47 TIMES IN THE LAST HOUR _AND_ _YOU DIDN'T ANSWER_!" Marc's voice bellows through the tiny speaker, nearly shattering Adam's eardrum.

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" Adam shouts back, equally loud, using his powerful singer's lungs to get it out.

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!" Marc cuts him off.

Adam presses his lips together, pissed now. "I was in the fucking shower! You got a problem with that?!"

"FOR AN _HOUR_?!"

"FINE! YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? I WAS FUCKING _MY BOYFRIENDS_!" Adam rifles angrily through his makeup bag, pushing it aside bitchily when he can't find his eyebrow pencil. Like he really needs to listen to his fucking manager scream at him after he just had the most enjoyable time in the shower with his boys.

Tommy and Sauli share a look, kind of scared at seeing Adam so angry all of a sudden. Adam was usually pretty chill; but if you somehow managed to get on his bad side-watch out.

"Oh. Well. I didn't need to hear _that_," Marc says, a little more calmly now that he knows that Adam wasn't off doing something sordid to attract the attention of the paparazzi, or that he wasn't in danger from some crazed lunatic who has him on their death list.

"Yeah. Happy?" Adam replies bitchily, still pissed. Spotting his eyebrow pencil on the floor next to the vanity, Adam picks it up and begins filling in his eyebrows thickly with the dark brown/black pencil; otherwise, his face is so _bare_ without his eyebrows done. Seeing a few stray hairs under his brows, he takes out his leopard-print tweezers and yanks them out.

Marc goes on talking, choosing to ignore Adam's diva moment. "Listen. You need to get your ass down to my office. Today. I'm getting a radio tour set up for you for a couple of days and I need your input. We're all down here waiting. So don't be taking your sweet old time getting glammed up, 'cause we don't give a shit what you look like. Well, right now at least. You got thirty minutes. Be here or else." The line clicks off.

Adam tosses the phone down on the edge of the sink. He grabs a black liquid eyeliner pen and starts lining his eyes.

"Gonna tell us what that was about?" Tommy's standing at the other side of the double-sink vanity, layering black liner around his hazel eyes.

"Marc." Adam unscrews a tube of mascara, swiping the wand through his lashes. Repeating with a different mascara, he glances up at Sauli and Tommy. "He's such an ass. Be here in thirty minutes; yada, yada, yada. Whatever. I'll get there when I get there." Puckering his lips, he wipes a thin layer of nude gloss on, followed by a layer of clear. "He wants me there to set up a radio tour."

Tommy immediately stops, setting the tube of lipgloss he had in his hand down. "When." It is not a question.

"Chill," Adam counters, putting his makeup away, not noticing anything amiss. He begins spiking his black hair with gel and hairspray. "He wants me there today."

"No. I mean, when is this tour?" Tommy crosses his arms. Sauli leans against the wall, his eyes on Tommy.

"For a couple of days. I don't know when," Adam answers, not looking up from fixing his hair.

"Well...are we invited?" Sauli asks, trying to disguise the tremor in his voice.

Adam finally looks at them. "I don't know. I have to go talk to them." He walks out of the bathroom.

Tommy and Sauli follow, watching Adam get dressed.

Pulling on a pair of torn black skinny jeans, Adam glances at his boyfriends standing in the doorway, staring at him. He yanks a t-shirt on. "What are looking at me like that for?" Threading a belt through the loops on his pants and fastening a couple of chains around his neck, Adam crosses the room and wraps his arms around his boys. "I'll see what they say. 'Kay?"

Tommy buries his head in Adam's shoulder, nodding mutely. Sauli pecks a kiss on Adam's lips, a bit more optimistic.

Adam runs his hands through each of their damp hair before continuing to 'glam himself up.' He fastens hoops through his ear guages and clips a spiked cuff around his wrist. Slipping into his black leather jacket, he walks out of the second-floor bedroom and downstairs to the front door. He slips his feet into his Converse sneaker/zip-up boot, bending down to zip the shoes. He stands up, only to be tackled by Sauli and Tommy.

"We want hugs!" Sauli cries out, wrapping his arms tightly around Adam's neck from behind.

"And kisses!" Tommy shouts, snuggling into Adam's chest and circling his arms around his waist.

Adam laughs, hugging them both tightly and smothering them with kisses, which then causes an impromptu tickle fight. "Okay, guys, I'm gonna be late." Adam breaks away, grabbing the keys to his BMW.

"You didn't even eat breakfast!" Tommy accuses, trying to buy more time.

"Don't have time. Gotta go. Love you!" Adam shouts over his shoulder as he walks out the door, getting into the silver car that is parked in the driveway.

"And here I was gonna try bribing him to stay with chocolate chip pancakes and sex," Tommy sighs, clutching Sauli's hand.


	3. What Do You Want From Me

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER THREE**

_What Do You Want From Me_

Adam pulls onto the freeway, sliding his dark sunglasses over his eyes. He's cruising down I-10 at 75 miles an hour when his iPhone buzzes. Incoming call.

"Hello?" Adam answers, not taking his eyes from the road to look who is calling. He hits speaker so he can keep his hands on the wheel.

"Adam?" a female voice comes back. "How are you?"

He recognizes the voice immediately-his mom. "Hey, Mom. I'm good. How are you?"

"Oh, good. What are you doing, sweetie?"

"Driving." Adam glances in the rearview mirror, seeing a car coming up fast behind him. "I'm going to meet Marc to discuss some upcoming tour plans." Another glance in the mirror shows that the car is still tailing him, nearly riding on his bumper. "Fuck," he mutters, recognizing the SUV as a standard paparazzi vehicle and confirming his suspicions when he sees a guy stick his head out the passenger window and start snapping photos with an expensive camera. "Fucking motherfuckers!" He presses the gas pedal harder, the speedometer climbing-75, 80, 85.

"Adam! What is going on?!" Leila demands, sounding shocked at Adam's raunchy language.

"Fucking paps are right on my back bumper." Adam swerves into the next lane, cutting between cars and causing some drivers to blare their horns or flip him the finger. Yet the SUV is still right behind him.

"Adam! Slow down before you get in an accident! Oh, be careful!" Leila's voice is trembling. "I'm hanging up so you can concentrate on driving! Be careful, Adam! Call me back!"

Adam jabs his finger to the screen, ending the call. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. "G*ddamn fucking motherfuckers!"

Seeing an exit ramp coming up, he comes up with an idea. He keeps his car one lane over and, right at the last minute, without flicking his turn signal on, Adam veers in front of the car beside him to get onto the exit that will take him off of the freeway. He watches in his mirrors as the SUV speeds past the ramp, the pap with the camera flipping him the finger and shouting something.

Adam breathes out a sigh of relief, coming to a stop behind a long line of cars at a red light. He speed dials his mom.

"Are you alright?!" Leila exclaims as soon as she picks up.

"Yeah. I lost them." Adam crosses the intersection, turning onto a different ramp to get back on I-10. "Assholes were snapping photos the whole fucking time."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay." After a slight pause, Leila continues, "Anyway, I was calling to ask you about the radio tour. Monte had mentioned it to me last night."

Ever since Adam's mom and Monte Pittman had started dating, Leila always knows what is going on in Adam's life. At least the business part of it. Adam could not believe it when Monte asked him if it was okay to take his mom out. Adam was a little disturbed at first-his mom and Monte? Dating? But he told Monte he did not mind them dating since he did seem kind of lost after his divorce with Lisa. And he knew his mom was lonely from her separation with his dad. He could not say no. And now Monte and his mom are together.

"Yeah, I don't really know anything about it. That's why they wanted me to come down to talk it over with them." Adam, seeing his exit coming up, switches into the right lane.

"Monte was saying that the tour was this coming week. I think he said Tuesday. I'm not sure," Leila goes on.

Monte is now Adam's tour manager; he had stepped down from the position of guitarist in Adam's band a while back. Adam asked him to take over the job after he had his former tour manager-Marc White-promoted to manager. (If you can call that a promotion-being manager to Adam Lambert is quite the undertaking.) He fired his first manager several months ago; Roy Clark was a real douche-bag. And dangerous, too. After he tried getting in Adam's pants he was no longer trusted. That really scarred Adam; to think that someone he knew for so long, especially someone who basically ran his career, could try hurting him like that was beyond his comprehension. Adam still has nightmares thinking about that day...

_He was at a hotel cafe, meeting his manager over lunch to discuss some upcoming TV interviews. After they were done eating, Roy suggested going up to the private suite he always had rented out at the hotel._

_They were not even in the room for ten minutes before Roy started making a play at Adam. He started touching Adam inappropriately, making lewd sexual remarks. Without warning, Roy pushed Adam down on the bed and climbed on top of him. Roy held Adam's arms down, grinding his crotch into Adam's groin. _

_"I want to fuck you," Roy said, his breath hot and moist in Adam's ear. _

_"Let me go, Roy." Adam struggled against the older man's grip to no avail. "I'm calling the police. Your reputation will be ruined." _

_"Shut up! Do what I say. Or you'll regret it." Roy sat up, pulling a gun out from under the pillow Adam's head was resting on. "Now take your jeans off. Hurry up."_

_Adam's eyes widened in alarm. "Put that down!"_

_"Do it!"_

_Adam kicked his shoes off and unbuttoned his pants, never once taking his eyes off the gun pointed at his head._

_"Take 'em off," Roy commanded, motioning with the gun._

_Adam did as he was told. He was not wearing anything underneath the jeans._

_Roy cocked a bushy eyebrow, grinning wolfishly. "Shirt too."_

_Slowly, Adam pulled his arms out of the sleeves, reluctantly taking his eyes off of Roy to slip the shirt over his head._

_"So those freckles are all over, hmm?" Roy leered, gazing straight at Adam's dick._

_Adam glared at his manager, self-conciously crossing his legs and resting his hands over his lap. He was never self-concious of that part of his body; but when you had some asshole, who you thought was your friend, leering at you like you're his next meal, that can throw your composure out the window. "What do you want from me?" Adam asked him angrily, immediately regretting his choice of words._

_"What do I want from you." Roy's voice was laced with sarcasm. He laughed, knowing he had Adam right where he wanted him. Adam never could stand up to him, especially now that he had a .22-caliber pointed at his head. "Cute._

_"I'll tell you what I want from you," Roy continued. "I want you to open that drawer." he tipped his head toward the nightstand, the gun still trained on Adam. _

_Adam stared warily at his manager, suspicious. _

_"Now!" Roy yelled._

_Adam obeyed, scared of the gun pointed at him. He looked in the open drawer; a video camera was laying there._

_"Take it out." Roy's voice was low. "Turn it on."_

_Adam could only imagine what Roy wanted to do with that camera. He took it out, flipping the small switch that turned the camera on._

_"Good. Now I want you to set it right there, on the nightstand, and push the button to record." Roy grinned at Adam. "I'm gonna hurt you, Adam. And that camera is going to film everything. Every little scream you make, pleading with me to stop. But you know what? I'm not going to stop. When I'm through with you, you'll be in so much pain you won't be able to walk."_

_"What did I ever do to you?" Adam cried out desperately. His eyes started to tear up and he blinked to hide it from the older man._

_"You? Physically nothing." Roy cocked his head to the side. "But what I can't stand is you prancing around on stage, dancing like some G*ddamn male stripper; grabbing at yourself and licking that motherfucker Ratliff's face. _

_"I watch you Adam. Backstage. I watch you do all that." Roy crunched up his face, disgusted. "Do you know how hard I work?!" he screamed, violently waving the gun in his hand. "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORK TO KEEP YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF THE TABLOIDS?!"_

_Adam's mouth dropped open, shocked._

_"DO YOU?" Roy grabbed Adam by his shoulders and shook him. "ANSWER ME!"_

_"No! I don't know!" Adam could not hold back the tears, one traced a path down each cheek. He was terrified that Roy would kill him. _

_"EXACTLY! YOU. DON'T. KNOW!" Roy leaned back, breathing heavily. "I try to put a somewhat decent image of you out there for the public. Yet every time I turn around, you do something else I have to cover up! And you know what?! I'm fucking sick of it!"_

_Adam drew back, trying to think of a way out of this._

_"And now, it's payback time. Maybe if I hurt you, it'll teach you a lesson." Roy unbuckled his pants, throwing them on the floor. He pushed Adam down on the bed and jammed his knee between Adam's crossed legs. _

_Adam looked up at his manager, who was now on top of him. "Don't do this Roy." _

_Roy laughed and pushed the 'record' button on the video camera._

_Adam could feel Roy's dick pushing against his tight hole. He braced himself for what he knew was coming next; but it did nothing to lessen the pain of being fucked raw. Adam cried out as he was abused, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop it._

"-and so I was just asking Monte if he would have to go with you on this tour; and then I was wondering if Sauli and Tommy would be coming too. Adam?" Leila's voice breaks Adam out of his awful memories.

Adam gives himself a little shake, silently reminding himself that it is all over. Roy is locked up and he will never hurt him again. "Yeah. I'm here. Umm...I don't know if they're coming or not. Hey, I'll talk to you later. I just pulled into the parking lot."

"Okay, bye sweetie. Call me later. Let me know what you're plans are. Love you."

_Yeah, you'll just find out my plans from Monte, _Adam thinks, saying aloud, "Love you, too, Mom. Bye." Adam ends the call, slipping his iPhone in his pocket. Cutting the BMW's engine, he steps out and walks slowly into the building Marc's office is in, still thinking about Roy. He takes the elevator to the seventh floor, pausing outside the door before knocking.

Adam enters the room and is greeted by his Marc and Monte, both of whom look completely pissed. Shay Clemens, his publicist, does not even bother to look up from the laptop he is typing on.

"Where the hell have you been?" Marc asks, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "I told you to be here thirty minutes ago!"

"Please don't tell me we've been waiting all this time for you doll yourself up," Monte cuts in, earning a snort from Shay.

"The fucking paparazzi were chasing me!" Adam defends himself. "I had to lose them! That's what took me so long." Adam chooses to ignore Monte's crass statement about 'dolling himself up.'

"Are you okay?!" Marc's tone changes, immediately alarmed.

"I'm fine. I'm just lucky I didn't get a ticket, or get in an accident." Adam sits down in a chair across from his managers. "At some points I was going ninety miles an hour down the freeway."

"Adam!" Monte exclaims, his eyes widening in disbelief and shock.

Adam relays the rest of his escapade to Marc, who gets angrier the more he hears.

"I'm going to find out who those motherfuckers are and have them arrested!" Marc picks up the phone, poised to call one of his connections in the business.

Adam stops him, saying, "Forget it for now. I'm here. Let's just get this done with."

Marc and Monte share a look, reluctantly moving on to the tour plans.

* * *

"Okay. So we'll leave Monday morning and we'll drive through California, Nevada, and Arizona the first day, stopping at these radio stations." Adam draws his finger along the route that Monte marked on the map.

They have been finalizing the plans for the radio tour for the last two hours and Adam is starting to get a little tired-not to mention hungry.

"Right," Marc replies, typing a note into his iPad. "And Tuesday, we'll continue from Arizona, into New Mexico, and then Texas."

"Colorado, Wyoming, and Idaho on Wednesday," Monte adds.

"Washington, Oregon, and back in California Thursday. And home on Friday," Adam finishes. "So...can I bring Tommy and Sauli?"

"No." Marc doesn't even look up from his iPad.

"You know there won't be enough room in the car for everybody," Monte says in an effort to try softening the blow. "With all the stuff I'm thinking you'll be packing, there will hardly be room for Marc and I."

Adam nods, dejected. He knows that Tommy and Sauli will be upset when they hear this.

"We'll come pick you up Monday morning, six a.m. Be ready." Marc stands up, zipping his jacket on and grabbing his laptop case.

Adam gets up, checking his phone before slipping it in his back pocket. "'Kay. See ya Monday."

Adam leaves the office, dreading the argument he knows he will have to deal with when he gets home.


	4. I Don't Want You To Go

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_I Don't Want You To Go_

Forty-five minutes later, Adam parks the silver sports car in his driveway. Grabbing the coffees he picked up from Starbucks, he steps out of the car and lets himself in the house through the front door. "Tommy! Sauli! I'm home!" he calls out.

No response.

Adam kicks his shoes off, walking down the hall to the kitchen. Setting the coffee down, he hears the faint sound of a guitar being strummed, letting him know where Tommy is at least.

Adam goes upstairs to Tommy's 'bat cave.' Sauli used to call it 'the dungeon' until Tommy pointed out the room is on the second floor and 'the dungeon' didn't make sense. Knocking softly on the door, Adam waits patiently.

Tommy opens the door, his lips curling up into a small smile when he sees Adam standing there.

"Hey, Kitty." Adam takes Tommy into his arms, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

Burying his head in Adam's chest, Tommy mumbles something unintelligible.

The lights in the room are turned low, and the shades are pulled down on all the windows. Tommy's creepy bust of Reagan from _The Exorcist_ is perched on a shelf, the statue's yellow eyes boring holes into anyone who dares enter Tommy's secret hide-a-way. Other movie memorbilia decorates the dark red walls, including a Freddie Krueger hand mounted on one wall holding his favorite guitar.

Tommy pushes up the sleeves of his black and gray hoodie, picking up the acoustic guitar from off the bed where he had left it. "So, how did it go?"

Adam sits down on the bed next to his boyfriend, avoiding the question and instead asking, "Where's Sauli?"

"Running." Tommy picks out a few notes to the _Halloween_ theme song.

"When did he leave?"

"I don't know, an hour ago? He should be back any time-"

Tommy is cut off by Sauli's Finnish accent shouting, "Adam? Tommy? Where are you?" They hear footsteps pounding up the stairs, and then Sauli appears in the doorway. "Can I come in?" he asks Tommy, knowing how protective Tommy is of his bat cave.

Tommy laughs. "Of course you can come in, silly."

Sauli's smile is infectious. The three of them cuddle together on the bed, happy to be together again after being so rudely torn apart this morning.

"So..." Sauli breaks the silence, asking the question that had been on his and Tommy's mind ever since Adam left. "What's going on? Are we invited?"

"Well...The radio tour starts Monday and ends Friday. And we'll be going through nine states, including California, in four days. I've got a bunch of interviews set up; basically, the tour is just for the promotion of _Trespassing_," Adam rambles on, avoiding the latter question.

Tommy and Sauli both listen intently until Adam takes a breath, and then Tommy jumps in.

"Well, then I guess Sauli and I better start packing...What time are we leaving Monday morning?"

Adam sighs, hanging his head down. "_I'm_ leaving at six in the morning. I'm sorry, guys." He pulls his boyfriends into a hug. "I have to do this alone." Adam stands up, his face crunching up in sadness. He bites his lower lip.

Tommy's eyes widen, hurt. "What?" he barely manages a whisper, his throat is so tight. "Don't you need me to play guitar?"

"Why can't we come?!" Sauli tries not to whine, knowing Tommy is going to do enough of that for both of them.

"It's just interviews and CD signings; I'm not scheduled to sing. And there is not enough room in the car. Monte already told me. I asked him! There's nothing I can do!" Adam presses his lips together, pissed at both Monte and Marc for doing this to him. "It's only for a few days; I'll be back before you know it."

Tommy crosses his arms, immediately retreating into the hood of his sweater like a spider that does not want to be seen.

Sauli stares at Adam, his lips formed into a perfect pout. "Don't do this to us, Adam! He's going to get in one of his moods as soon as you leave, and I won't be able to get him away from that bottle the whole time you're gone!" Sauli hisses, jabbing his thumb in Tommy's direction.

Adam sighs again, crawling back onto the bed and settling himself between his boys. "We'll Skype every night, I'll call you every morning, afternoon, and evening, and I'll text you between every interview. You'll be so sick of me, you'll be turning your phones off just to get some peace and quiet."

Tommy's expression remains stoic, alreading drawing into the shell he puts himself into when he feels the world is out to get him. He buries his head in Adam's shoulder, nodding mutely. "I don't want you to go. But if you have to...Okay."

That surprises both Adam and Sauli; they didn't think Tommy would agree that easily.

"I'll be fine." Tommy gives Adam a small smile in an effort to convince him. "We'll be fine."

* * *

Tommy wakes up Saturday morning, pulling the pillow over his head to block out the sun. Then he remembers that Adam will be gone in two days. He grabs his iPhone from the nightstand, thumbing out a text.

_-Whatcha doin?_

The reply comes back instantly.

_-Talkin 2 the sexiest guy I kno ;) _

Tommy grins, immediately cheering up.

_-Very funny, Isaac_

_-I'm serious._

_-Haha. Adam's leavin Mon. a.m. 4 a radio tour. Me & Sauli hav 2 stay home. _

_-U want me 2 come over when he's gone?_

_-Not when Sauli's home. I'll come 2 ur place, kay?_

_-I can't wait._

Tommy glances at the doorway before ending their conversation.

_-Me neither. ttyl, xoxo Tommy_


	5. By The Rules

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_By The Rules_

The weekend passes quickly; and before Adam knows it, it is Monday morning. The sound of a car horn is blaring outside, telling him Monte and Marc must be in the driveway. The doorbell rings.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Adam picks up the two duffel bags he packed the other day, opening the door to find Monte poised to knock. Adam raises his eyebrows, irritated already. "What the fuck?!"

"Let's go! It's a quarter to six!" Monte grabs the bags from Adam, tossing them in the trunk of the car. "Hurry up and say your goodbyes."

Adam gives him a dirty look, walking back inside to kiss his boyfriends. He takes Sauli in his arms, whispering in his ear, "Keep an eye on Tommy; try not to let him dwell on my abscence." Adam kisses his boyfriend on the lips before moving onto Tommy and wrapping his arms around him.

"Be good, Kitty." Adam plants a kiss on Tommy's lips, his tongue tracing along his boyfriend's bottom lip. "I love you both so much," Adam says, pulling both of them into his arms. "I'll talk to you guys later. Love you!" With one last, longing look, Adam climbs into the back seat of the car.

Tommy and Sauli watch as the car drives away, standing there and holding onto each other until the car is long out of sight.

"Well, I'm going to go play my guitar for awhile." Tommy glances up at Sauli, knowing that Adam had told him to keep on eye on him.

Sauli looks longingly outside, where the sun is shining brightly. "You wanna go swimming instead?" he asks hopefully.

Tommy shakes his head. "You go ahead. I'll be fine." At a look from Sauli, he adds, "I won't drink either. Or get in one of my moods."

Sauli chews on his lip, thinking. "Okay...I'm gonna go running. But I want you to go swimming with me later. 'Kay?"

"Yeah. Okay. See you later, Sauli." Tommy pecks a kiss on Sauli's mouth, giving him a small smile to reassure him. He looks back one last time to see Sauli watching him with a brooding look on his face before continuing up the stairs.

Fifteen minutes later, Tommy glances out the window to see Sauli jogging down the street. He picks up his phone, searching his contacts for the number and hitting 'call.'

"Hey, sexy," Isaac answers.

"He's gone. Can I come over?" Tommy picks at the calluses on his finger tips, biting off the skin that is peeling up. Adam hates it when he does that.

"Of course," comes the reply.

Tommy grins, relieved. "See you in a few." As soon as he hangs up, he jumps in the shower, quickly washing up. Adam had made love to him and Sauli last night, wanting to be as close to them as possible before he left. Throwing on a pair of purple, skin-tight jeans, a striped black and gray hooded shirt, and his leather jacket, he lines his eyes in thick black eyeliner, grabs his car keys, and is out the door in thirty minutes.

He speed-dials Sauli as he backs his Mustang out of the driveway.

"Tommy? Are you okay? What's wrong?!" Sauli sounds out of breath, more likely from his nervousness about Tommy than from running.

"Relax!" Tommy flicks his turn signal on, making a right-hand turn. "I'm going out for awhile. I need to buy guitar strings and I'll probably swing by my sister's place to say hi, since her house is on the way to the music store. I'll be back in a few hours, 'kay? Love you!" He hangs up before Sauli has any chance to protest. He does feel a little guilty about lying to Sauli on where he is heading off to, but, then again, when does he ever play by the rules?

Tommy pulls the sports car into Isaac's driveway ten minutes later.

Climing out, Tommy raises his hand to knock, but drops it when the door opens and Isaac Carpenter grabs his arm, pulling him into the cool, quiet house. Tommy wraps his arms around Isaac's waist, looking directly in his eyes-seeing as they are the same height-a slight grin on his face.

Isaac rests his forehead against Tommy's, tightening his grip on the other man. "I've missed you, Tommy Joe."

Tommy searches Isaac's blue eyes, replying after a moment, "I've missed you, too, Isaac Carpenter."

A wide smile spreads across Isaac's face. He leans in, planting his lips on Tommy's.

Tommy responds immediately to the kiss, moving his mouth with Isaac's. His tongue slides out, tasting Isaac's lips. They explore the inside of each other's mouths, their tongues melding together warmly. Tommy puts his hands on the back of Isaac's neck, pulling their heads closer.

Isaac threads his fingers through Tommy's belt loops, yanking his hips to his so they are touching. Tommy grinds his growing erection into Isaac's equally growing bulge. They run their hands up and down each other's bodies, wanting more.

Tommy's blonde fringe is falling in his eyes, making him look a little wild. Gasping as Isaac slides his hands in the waistband of his boxers, which are showing from his low-slung jeans, Tommy does the same to Isaac, running a finger inside the tight elastic.

"Ohh..." Isaac groans in Tommy's ear. "You smell so damn good." Isaac almost laughs when he looks at Tommy's face, the hair lying every which way in his eyes. "You're like my little sex-kitten."

Tommy's eyes widen. "Sex Kitten. I like that name." He smiles, joining their lips together again.

"Okay, Kitten." Isaac grins at the new nickname for his friend.

_Adam calls me Kitty and Isaac calls me Kitten. Perfect,_ Tommy thinks happily. He loses himself in kissing Isaac then.

Suddenly, Isaac grabs Tommy's hands, where they were cupping his jean-clad ass. "I want you, Tommy. Come on." Isaac heads to his bedroom on the second floor of his house, pulling Tommy along behind him.

Tommy kicks off his creepers, laying down on Isaac's bed and pulling his bandmate down on top of him.

Isaac's hands travel down to Tommy's waist, looking into his eyes to silently ask permission. He unbottons Tommy's jeans, yanking the zipper down, desperate to feel Tommy's skin on his.

Tommy wriggles out of the pants, slipping off his boxers at the same time. They undress each other, sharing kisses in between throwing off clothes. Completely naked, they press their erections together. Tommy moans as Isaac bites his ear, his tongue licking at his multiple piercings.

Isaac wraps his hand around Tommy's length, pumping up and down, slowly jacking Tommy off.

Tommy lifts his hips up off the bed in response, loving the feeling of Isaac's warm hand surrounding his throbbing dick. "Isaac," Tommy whispers, his voice thick with want.

Isaac grins as a wicked idea pops into his head. Without breaking his hold on Tommy's dick, he reaches into a drawer in the nightstand, pulling out a pair of shiny silver handcuffs. He dangles them on one finger in front of Tommy's face, letting the meaning sink in. He has had experience with Tommy's kinks.

Tommy licks his lips sexily, instantly feeling himself harden even more at just the mere thought of being cuffed to the bed and having this incredibly sexy man fuck him senseless.

"You like that, don't you?" A slow smile spreads across Isaac's face. He snaps one side of the handcuffs on Tommy's wrist, the other side to the bedpost. Grabbing another pair from the drawer, he attaches that set to Tommy's other wrist and the bedpost opposite the first.

With his arms stretched above his head, Tommy wiggles around on the bed, getting more comfortable for what he knew was coming. It was not like they never did this before; they had quite a bit of experience with each other.

Isaac stares down at Tommy's cock sticking up in the air, practically begging to be sucked. Isaac presses his lips to Tommy's in one last, sweet kiss before they both become uncontrollable. Trailing kisses down Tommy's chest, Isaac scratches his fingernails gently down his bandmate's side, sending shivers up and down Tommy's body. Isaacs's lips finally reach the base Tommy's dick. He licks a wet trail down the shaft, from base to head, giving the slit a tiny kiss.

Tommy bucks up, wanting more. He yanks at the cuffs, frustrated he cannot grab Isaac's head and shove his cock in that pretty little mouth. He settles for using his legs to lift his hips up instead.

Isaac watches in amusement as Tommy writhes beneath him, knowing he is getting ticked; the whole reason for the handcuffs-more sexual tension. "You'll get them off soon enough. But for now, you'll have to take it at my pace." Isaac laughs at Tommy's expression; he looks like such a _girl_ when he pouts like that. Without warning, he grabs Tommy's dick, pumping it hard. Enough shitting around.

Tommy gasps with pleasure, moving in sync with Isaac's hand. "Isaac...Get the cuffs off me...I want to touch you..." he pants, groaning when Isaac rubs his thumb back and forth across the head of his dick.

Shaking his head, Isaac answers, "I'm gonna make you nearly come before I even think of taking the damned cuffs off. Right now, this is for you, Tommy."

Tommy pulls at his bonds in vain; they will not break. The cuffs are not cheap metal, made precisely with the thought of 'no escape' in mind. Giving up, Tommy lets Isaac work him.

Reaching into the nightstand again, Isaac takes out the lube, coating his fingers with it. He slides two fingers inside Tommy's ass, scissoring them. He spreads his fingers apart as he pulls them out, eliciting moans from Tommy. Pushing back in, he adds a third finger and twists, stretching the tight muscle open. Looking at Tommy's dick covered in pre-cum, he can feel his own dick start leaking.

Tommy's breathing quickens as Isaac's fingers hit that spot in him repeatedly with aching regularity. "Isaac...I'm gonna...come..." Tommy thrashes his head back and forth, his hair flying in face.

Unable to take it anymore, Isaac slides his fingers out of Tommy, lubing his dick up-no condom.

The first time he tried using a condom, Tommy had stopped him, saying he wanted "to feel him without anything between them." Whatever. Worked for him.

He lifts Tommy's legs over his shoulders, exposing his small hole.

Tommy whimpers at the sudden loss of fingers, until he feels Isaac press the head of his cock against his ass. Tommy thrusts his hips forward, wanting to feel Isaac's dick filling him. Wanting to forget the pain of Adam leaving.

Isaac pushes into Tommy, past the tight rings of muscle squeezing his erected dick, touching that spot deep in Tommy's ass. Grabbing Tommy's hips, Isaac thrusts in, pulling back out just as quickly and starting a frantic rhythm.

Tommy cries out, loving that Isaac knows just how he likes it-hard and fast. He wants so badly to stick his own fingers up Isaac's ass at the same time; but he can do nothing except take whatever Isaac gives him. Hell, he can barely _think_ when Isaac keeps hitting that spot in him, pushing right against his prostate. "Isaac...it's..."

Before Tommy can finish his sentence, Isaac slides out smoothly, whipping the cuffs off Tommy's wrists. He winds his fingers in Tommy's long hair, yanking his head back roughly and smashing his mouth against Tommy's full lips in a warm kiss.

"Finally!" Tommy growls, wrapping his arms around Isaac's neck, digging his chipped black fingernails into his skin. His dick pressing against Isaac's stomach reminds him of how badly he needs to be fucked. Reaching between their sweaty bodies, Tommy wraps his hand around Isaac's cock, giving it a gentle tug. He rubs his thumb over the slit, knowing how much that turns the drummer on.

Isaac, without breaking their intense liplock, shoves his dick into Tommy easily, giving his hips a little roll. Isaac continues exploring Tommy's mouth while creating a steady rhythm with his dick.

With every thrust, Tommy can feel himself start to lose control. The orgasm begins in his lower back, then travels to his balls and dick, which tense, desperate for release. He knows he will not be able to hold it much longer.

Isaac can see Tommy losing it; hell, he can _feel_ Tommy losing it. And that makes his own cock crave the same. He digs his fingers into Tommy's thighs, his own orgasm taking over.

With one final cry, Tommy reaches climax, shooting cum all over his stomach, Isaac's chest, and the bed. Tommy shudders, pushing the last drops out. He clings to Isaac, pulling him closer, knowing that Isaac needs to come. All it takes is Tommy running a single finger down Isaac's back and circling his tight hole, and Isaac is coming all over in his ass.

Isaac groans, filling Tommy's ass with hot cum. His thrusts lose all rhythm as he comes, the intense vibrations taking over.

Tommy holds onto Isaac, running his fingers through his dark hair. He knows he is going to be sore when this is over, but damn if he gives a shit. "Ride it out, baby." He bites the space where Isaac's neck meets his shoulder, leaving his mark on the drummer.

Isaac falls on top of Tommy, exhausted. He pulls his dick out slowly, not meeting any resistance. He kisses Tommy sweetly, his tongue twisting with Tommy's.

"Mmm..." Tommy smiles up at Isaac. He cocks an eyebrow. "That was hot."

Isaac laughs. He cannot help it-Tommy looks so adorable with his eye make-up slightly smeared and his hair in complete disarray.

Tommy brings his mouth to Isaac's, kissing him heavily. They are startled out of the frantic kisses by the buzz of Tommy's iPhone. Tommy sighs, picking it up off the floor and glancing at the screen.

Adam calling.

Tommy eyes widen in alarm. He shows the phone to Isaac before rolling out from under him. He stares at the screen, debating whether or not to let it go to voice mail. If he does not answer he will have to make up an excuse later.  
"Hey, Adam," Tommy says into the phone, holding a finger to his lips to make sure Isaac is quiet.

"Hey, Kitty." Adam's voice comes through the speaker, sounding very far away. "Whatcha doin'?"

Tommy closes his eyes, trying to will away the tears. "I'm at the music store." He pauses, swallowing. "Buying strings for my guitar."

There is laughter in the background. Tommy can hear Adam's laugh.

"Is Sauli there with you?" Adam questions, paying attention to Tommy again.

Tommy presses his lips together, a little pissed off at his boyfriend. "No," he replies shortly, not offering any other explanation.

Adam is quiet for a minute. "Well...where is he?"

"At home. Running." Tommy takes hold of Isaac's fingers, which are touching the inside of his naked thigh. "Listen, Adam. I have to go. I'll call you later. Bye."

Tommy hits 'end call' just he hears Adam start to protest. He turns the phone off so him and Isaac won't be bothered.

Isaac raises his eyebrows.

Tommy drapes himself across the bed, cocking his head and giving Isaac a sexy look. "Fuck me."


	6. Just The Way It Is

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER SIX**

_Just The Way It Is_

Adam lays his head back, closing his eyes. He is sitting in the backseat of the car, on the way to the hotel for the night. The day was crazy; radio interviews and CD signings, along with impromptu 'meet and greets.' And then dealing with Tommy's shit. What was that all about anyway? He thought Tommy would _want_ to talk to him. He sure hopes that Tommy is not going to be in one of his moods for the rest of the week.

"Adam? Are you listening?" Monte's voice jolts Adam out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" he asks dumbly.

"I said, are you hungry. You want something to eat?" Marc taps his hands on the steering wheel, glancing in the rearview mirror at Adam.

"Oh. Yeah. Where do you want to eat?" Adam checks his phone for the fifth time since they left the last radio station. No messages from Tommy. He really should call him back, question him on what his deal is. He puts the phone back in his pocket; he will Skype both his boyfriends when he gets to the hotel.

"I don't care. Wherever you want to eat is fine. Either the hotel bar or one of these restaurants." Marc waves his hand at the various places to eat that they are driving by.

Adam stares out the window at the lights flashing by. He does not really feel like going anywhere. "Let's just eat at the hotel. I'm tired. I've been up since five."

Monte glances at the clock on the dashboard. 8:47. "I've been up since three."

"Hotel it is." Marc replies.

Once they arrive at the hotel and get all their bags up to their rooms, Adam collapses on the king-sized bed in his suite. Monte is on the couch, typing on his phone; while Marc is sitting in a chair at the small table, his laptop open in front of him.

"Okay," Marc says after a bit, shutting the computer. "Let's go grab something to eat."

Adam cracks one eye open, scrunching up the rest of his face to focus on Marc. "How 'bout you just get me something?" He tries using his sweetest, most innocent-looking smile. "Please?"

Marc is not amused. "Get up off of your lazy ass."

Sighing, Adam sits up, slipping his shoes back on. "I need vodka."

They take the elevator down to the bar. Inside it is dark and music is pounding, the bass low and heady. There are quite a few people already there, having drinks and food. They choose a secluded table in the back of the bar, where less people are likely to recognize Adam.

A waitress walks over to their table, glancing up at them from her tablet. "What can I get..." the waitress' voice trails off as her gaze rests on Adam. She swallows audibly. "Adam Lambert...oh my God! It's so nice to finally meet you!" she gushes. "I've been to a bunch of your concerts, but I never got meet and greets! Oh my God! I can't believe your here!" She gives an excited little jump, completely ignoring Monte and Marc, who do not look too happy over this turn of events.

"Hey," Adam says, getting up out of his seat and glancing at the name tag pinned to her shoulder. "Leah. Nice to meet you, too." He wraps his arms around her shoulders in a hug, practically giving the girl a heart attack.

"This is so cool! I love you, Adam! You're my favorite singer in, like, the whole world!" Leah grins up at her idol. "Can I have a picture with you?" She raises her eyebrows hopefully.

"Of course!" Adam grins back.

Leah whips her phone out of her back pocket, holding it out at arm's length and smashing the side of her face up against Adam's. They both smile widely as she snaps the photo. "Thank you so much, Adam! Hey, Monte!" she exclaims, finally noticing Adam's former guitarist sitting at the table.

Monte waves and mouths _hi_ in response.

Suddenly realizing that she is supposed to be taking their orders, Leah exlaims, "Oh my God! I'm so sorry! What do you guys want to eat?" She hurries off to the kitchen once she has taken the guys' orders.

"That's exactly what I was hoping to avoid," Monte says, sighing.

Adam shrugs. "Told ya you should of brought my food up to my room. But I don't mind. She was cute." Adam takes a drink out of his water glass.

"And here I thought you were gay," Marc replies drily.

Giving him a dirty look, Adam cracks back, "Doesn't mean I can't admire a woman's body. Her hair was a pretty shade of blonde."

"Yeah. We know you have a thing for blondes, Adam." Monte grins suggestively.

Adam frowns, trying to look disapproving. "Ha ha. Funny."

After they eat dinner, Adam heads over to the bar to get a drink. He does not look anybody in the eye, trying to keep a low profile. It works. Nobody recongizes him-so far. He is sitting at the bar drinking his third vodka cranberry when someone taps him gently on the shoulder.

"Adam?" a male voice questions hesitantly.

Turning around, Adam is shocked speechless at who he sees sitting on the barstool right next to him-Kris Allen. "Kris!"

"Hey, Adam! I thought that was you!" Kris' mouth turns up at one corner in his signature grin. "How are you?!"

"Good! How are you?" Adam wraps his arms around Kris in a hug. "I haven't seen you in forever! What are you doing in Phoenix?"

Kris laughs at the flurry of questions that fly out of Adam's mouth. "I'm good. I'm on a radio tour-"

"No way! I'm on a radio tour, too!" Adam cannot believe Kris Allen is _here_, sitting right next to him. At least now he will have someone to hang out with for the rest of the night.

"Really? What's your schedule like?" Kris takes a swig out of the beer he is holding.

"Tomorrow we're hitting a few more stations in Arizona, and then New Mexico and Texas." Adam signals to the bartender for two more vodka cranberries.

"Are you stalking me?" Kris jokingly asks Adam. "That's where I'm going tomorrow."

Adam's mouth drops open. "Awesome! Our managers must have planned this behind our backs-scheduling our tour dates the same."

The bartender sets the drinks down in front of Adam, staring at both men before turning to serve another customer. Adam knows they have been recongized. He pushes one of the glasses over to Kris. "You need something stonger than beer."

"I don't..." Kris starts, the stops himself. "Okay. Thanks."

"So what other states are you in? And what hotels are you staying in?" Adam pulls out his iPhone to compare schedules with Kris.

The two men talk for awhile, catching up. It is after eleven before Adam decides to go up to his room. Monte had texted him half an hour ago to tell him that him and Marc were going to bed. "You want to come up to my room for a little bit?" Adam puts a few bills on the bar. "I've got it," he adds when Kris protests at the twenties Adam has laid down.

"I didn't mean for you to buy my drinks," Kris says as they leave the bar.

"It's nothing." Adam shrugs it off.

It takes a couple tries for Adam to slide the key card through the automatic door lock. There is only one dim light on in the room. Adam sits down on the bed, grabbing the TV remote. He pats the space beside him.

Kris sits next to Adam on the bed, laying back to rest on his elbows.

Adam stares at Kris reclined back. _He is so fucking sexy...God, I wish he wasn't married. And that he was gay._ Adam smirks. _But he's not, Adam. Get a hold of yourself._ "You want something to drink?" he asks.

"Nah. I'm good. I don't wanna be hungover tomorrow when I'm supposed to be on the road." Kris smiles at his friend.

Adam kicks off his shoes. "So...How is everything? Katy at home all alone?"

Kris swallows. "Yeah," he says quietly. He averts his eyes.

"Kris?" Adam is concerned. "I don't mean to pry, but, umm, is something wrong?" He puts a hand on Kris' shoulder.

"Katy and I are..." Kris pauses. "We're having problems," he finishes, sighing.

"Oh, no. Kris, I'm so sorry to hear that," Adam rubs Kris' back.

Kris smiles wanly. "We're not sleeping in the same bed. She is completely pissed off at me." Kris runs a hand through his brown hair.

"Oh, Kris." Adam hugs his friend. "It'll be okay."

Kris nods. "Yeah." He does not sound convinced. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Don't be stupid! Of course I'm going to worry about you! You're one of my best friends!" Adam pulls Kris into him for another hug. Adam looks slyly at him, joking, "What did you do?"

Kris cannot help but laugh. "Adam. You're a nosy bitch."

Adam feigns a hurt look, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. "That was rude."

"You know I didn't mean it like that. C'mere." Kris crawls closer to Adam until the tips of their noses are touching.

Adam looks into Kris' hazel eyes, which are staring intently into his own-not even inches away. _I think he's had too much to drink; because, he is definitely flirting with me. And I always know when someone is flirting with me._

"Because I've wanted to do this ever since we met." Kris runs his tongue across his top lip.

It takes a minute for Adam to realize that Kris is answering his previous question of why Katy is mad at him. He swallows audibly. "What did you want to do?"

Kris leans in even closer, tilting his head slightly. "This," he whispers.

Adam's eyes flutter shut; and then Kris' lips are meeting his, and it is the most amazing thing ever. He dreamed of kissing Kris when they met on Idol; but he gave up that hope when he found out Kris was straight _and_ married.

Their mouths move together, sending shivers up and down Adam's whole body. Kris presses his hand on Adam's thigh, wrapping his other hand around the back of his neck. He pulls Adam's head closer, deepening the kiss.

Adam threads his fingers through Kris' hair. His pants are so tight, it is almost painful. Adam opens his mouth, pushing his tongue past Kris' lips. Kris responds a little hesitantly, his mouth opening slowly. All Adam really wants to do is push Kris into the bed and rip his clothes off; but, he tones it down, not wanting Kris to freak. Adam bites his friend's lower lip before sucking Kris' tongue into his mouth.

Kris gives Adam one more small kiss, then pulls away gently, smiling shyly at Adam. "That's what I wanted to do."

Adam swallows hard. He glances down at the front of Kris' jeans, confirming his suspicions of what Kris really wants. And he is sure his own lap is not looking any better. "That's why...you and Katy are...fighting?" Adam whispers. "Because you wanted to do _that_?"

Kris nods mutely, avoiding Adam's steady gaze.

"How did she even know that you wanted to kiss me?" Adam is baffled.

Kris shrugs. "I...don't really want to, umm...talk about it. I better go." He gets up off the bed, heading toward the door.

Adam is up in a flash. He grabs Kris' arm, spinning him around. "No. You don't just kiss me and then leave. It's just the way it is." He stares down at Kris standing right in front of him, less than a foot away.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Kris tries pulling away, but Adam is too strong.

Adam's mouth sets in a tight line. "No. I guess you shouldn't have." His stare hardens and turns icy. Walking back to the bed, he turns the TV on and starts flipping through channels.

Kris watches Adam, his heart breaking. Now, not only is Katy pissed at him, but so is Adam. He goes back to the bed, sitting down gingerly beside his friend.

"Why are you still here?" Adam demands, his sharp tone causing Kris to wince.

"I'm sorry Adam. Please don't be mad at me." Kris bites his lip, upset at himself.

"I'm not mad." Adam's voice softens. "I just don't understand why you kissed me in the first place." He mutes the TV.

Kris sighs. "I've wanted to do that ever since I met you. Kiss you." Kris takes Adam's hand in his. "And lately, I've wanted to do a lot more."

Adam's eyebrows shoot up at that last statement. Kris is stroking the top of his hand with his thumb, driving Adam crazy with need.

"And Katy found out. About me wanting you. And how much I want you. And in what ways." Kris finally looks up at Adam, guilt evident in his eyes.

Adam holds Kris' gaze. "You don't know much I've longed to hear those words, Kristopher. 'I want you.'" Adam's smile is bitter. "But it never will happen-"

Kris kisses Adam, effectively cutting off the rest of his words. He pushes him down on the bed, climbing on top of him and straddling his hips.

Adam kisses him back, not used to being manhandled. He is usually the one in control-not the other way around. Although, it is incredibly sexy having Kris spread out on top of him, flush against all the right places.

Kris groans. He can feel Adam's erection through his pants. Trying to calm himself down, he pulls away, rolling off of Adam and cuddling into his side. "I better go before we do something that..." Kris trails off.

"Something that..." Adam turns on his side, facing Kris and putting an arm around him.

"Something that I really want to do...with you." Kris ducks his head, slightly embarassed.

"Something that I really want to do, too, Kris," Adam replies.

Kris pecks a chaste kiss on Adam's full lips before wiggling out of Adam's hold on him and standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow night. Bye Adam."

Adam watches Kris leave. Rolling over on his stomach, Adam wonders what this could mean. Why would Kris kiss him? Why, all of a sudden, does Kris want to have sex with him? And what does this mean for their friendship?

Laying in bed, he cannot shake the feeling that he forgot something. Pushing it out of his mind, Adam falls asleep that night thinking of Kris and what will happen tomorrow night.

He completely forgets to call Tommy and Sauli.


	7. I'm Lost Without You

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

_I'm Lost Without You_

Tommy is in his bat cave when he hears the doorbell chime.

"I'll get it!" Sauli calls loudly from downstairs. About a minute later, Sauli starts shrieking.

Tommy rushes down the stairs, thinking Sauli is getting murdered by some hit-and-run maniac who has it in for Adam. He stops in his tracks when he realizes Sauli's shrieks are shrieks of joy-not uncontrollable fear. _He is so dramatic!_ Tommy thinks.

The front door is wide open. Sauli is clinging to some guy, who is standing just inside the foyer. Tommy is a little confused as he recognizes Katri Utala and Sauli's twin sister, Saara, holding travel carry-ons. A cab is parked on the side of the street.

Sauli releases his hold on the guy, turning around and seeing Tommy, runs over to him, grabbing his hand. "Tommy! Katri and Saara are here! And this Heikki Kauppinen!" He waves a hand towards Heikki. He drags Tommy over to the other man. "Heikki, this is Tommy Joe Ratliff."

Of course Sauli doesn't say exactly _who_ Tommy is; nobody knows about their three-way relationship except very close friends and certain family members.

"Hei! Hauska tutustua!" Heikki grips Tommy's hand, giving him a friendly shake.

Sauli laughs, placing a hand on Heikki's shoulder. "He doesn't know Finnish; although, I have been trying to teach both him and Adam! Not working, though," he says the last part in a stage whisper, laughing again. Turning to Tommy, he translates, "He said, 'Pleased to meet you.'"

Tommy smiles a tight-lipped smile, shaking Heikki's hand in return. "Hey," he replies in way of greeting. "Nice to meet you, too."

"Hei, Tommy!" Katri holds out her arms for a hug. "So good to see you again!"

Tommy hugs her back, still wondering just who this Heikki person is. Katri had come to the States to visit a couple of months ago. "Good to see you, too, Katri." He pecks a friendly kiss on her cheek. He turns to Saara, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. "Hey, Saara, nice to see to you." Looking up, Tommy sees Sauli whispering in Heikki's ear, his arms wrapped around the other man's waist. Tommy narrows his eyes suspiciously. "Well, let's get you guys' bags in the house," he says loudly, effectively jarring Sauli out of smiling conspiratorially at Heikki.

"Oh! I'm so rude! Come on, I'll show you to your rooms." Sauli grabs Heikki's hand, pulling him along behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he tells Tommy, "Help Katri and Saara carry their bags."

Tommy purses his lips, taking care not to let Katri or Saara see that he is pissed. First, Sauli brings a guy-_a guy!_-into not his home, but _Adam's_ home. Second, he thinks that he can just order Tommy around without even telling him these people were coming. And then he goes off with said guy, leaving Tommy to entertain _his_ guests. Adam is _so_ hearing about this.

Tommy picks up the girls' bags. "C'mon. You can stay in one of the guest rooms upstairs."

"Did Sauli tell you we were coming?" Katri asks from behind Tommy. "Because you seem a little surprised to see us."

Tommy raises his eyebrows. "No, he didn't."

"Oh. He must have forgot." Katri bites her lip, worried. "I hope we are not intruding."

"No!" Tommy turns around. "Not at all." Under his breath, he mutters, "Not you and Saara at least."

"Where is Adam?" Saara questions.

"He's on a radio tour." Tommy sets their bags down in the hall. "I suppose Sauli didn't tell you that."

Katri and Saara share a look. "No. He didn't," Katri answers.

"Well, you can stay in these two rooms," Tommy says, changing the subject. He motions to both rooms across the hall from each other. Tommy notices the door to the third guest room is shut.

As both women take their respective bags into their rooms, Tommy pulls his phone out of his pocket. Seven new texts. All from Isaac. He thumbs out a short reply.

_-I'll call u 2nite. Have 2 deal w/ Sauli right now._

Slipping the phone back in his pocket, Tommy knocks lightly on the open door so as not to surprise Katri when he walks into the room.

Katri looks up from her suitcase that she is digging in. "I really am sorry for barging in to your home like this. Sauli told me that it would be okay to stay here."

"You don't need to apologize." Tommy sits down at the foot of the bed, patting the spot beside him. Katri sits next to him. Tommy sighs, getting up the nerve to ask the question that has been on his mind ever since their Finnish guests arrived. "So...are Sauli and Heikki related?"

Katri's eyes widen. "He did not tell you?" Katri looks away, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

Tommy frowns. "No..."

"Heikki is Sauli's ex-boyfriend."

Tommy's mouth drops open. "What?!" he finally sputters. "Then why is he _here_?!" _And what are they doing right now?_

Katri sighs, bracing herself. "Heikki wants Sauli with him. That is why he came here. To win Sauli back."

* * *

"You can stay here in this room." Sauli turns around to find Heikki standing less than a foot away from him. The door to the room is shut. Sauli takes a few steps, closing the space between him and the other man. Sauli looks right into Heikki's eyes. He always loved the color of those eyes, the depth in them. The way he could lose himself in those beautiful grey eyes. Slowly, Sauli reaches a hand up, running his fingers through Heikki's long blonde hair. God, how he missed playing with that hair as they had lain in bed together in the mornings after they spent the night showing each other how much they loved one another. Sauli's gaze travels down to Heikki's mouth. And those lips; God, those lips. How those warm lips could always make his heart flutter each and every time they touched his own.

Heikki places his hands on Sauli's waist, pulling him into his chest. "Sauli," he murmurs. "I have missed you so much."

Sauli swallows. "I have missed you also, Heikki." Sauli places his hands on Heikki's strong chest, which is ripped, so much like his own. He gently pushes Heikki away from him, putting some distance between their bodies. "I have a boyfriend." _Two, actually; but he can't know that. Or can he?_

"But he is not here." Heikki cocks his head, raising a blonde eyebrow.

Sauli clears his throat, preparing to let another person in on their secret. "Yes. Actually, _one_ of my boyfriends _is_ here. Tommy Joe." The shock is evident on Heikki's face; Sauli can see it.

"Wha-what do you mean? _One_ of them is here?! Tommy Joe is your _boyfriend_?!" Heikki sputters. "What about Adam?"

"Adam, Tommy, and I are in a relationship. All three of us. Together." Sauli collapses on the bed.

Heikki sits next to him. "How does that work?" he asks, genuinely confused, yet interested at the same time.

"I don't know. It just does." Sauli looks over at Heikki, the vulnerability visible in his bright blue eyes. "Like, Adam is away on tour right now; so, Tommy and I spend time together by ourselves. And then there are times when Adam and Tommy will have their alone time, and the same works for Adam and me."

Heikki furrows his eyebrows. "I don't want to pry, but, how do you have sex? You do not have to answer that if you do not want to."

Sauli smiles to himself. "It's okay. I am not shy-you should know that by now." He grins at Heikki. "We have sex together. Three-way. It's very hot." Sauli bows his head, trying to act contrite.

Heikki looks away. _No matter what Sauli says, it is not right. He is not getting the attention he deserves. I've seen the way Adam and Tommy act together on stage._ But he doesn't say any of that. "Sauli. Are you happy?"

Sauli widens his eyes. "Of course I am happy! Why wouldn't I be?"

Heikki puts his arms around Sauli, pulling him in for a hug. "I am simply curious," he replies.

Sauli turns his head, finding Heikki's mouth inches from his own. He swallows audibly. Tilting his head slightly, he touches his lips to Heikki's. Sauli's eyes flutter shut, his mouth moving against Heikki's slowly, gently. Heikki's lips part, his tongue tracing Sauli's bottom lip. Sauli wraps a hand around the back of Heikki's neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Heikki slides Sauli's legs across his own, tugging Sauli into his lap. They stay like that for a while, just kissing, remembering the days when they were each other's 'forever.'

It is Sauli who breaks the kiss first. Leaning his forehead against Heikki's, he whispers, "Remember the time we fell asleep looking at the stars?"

Heikki smiles softly. "How could I forget? And what happened that night?"

Sauli grins back. "Yes," he murmurs. That was the night they had sex for the first time. Before each other, they each had had boyfriends-but nothing serious. And they weren't virgins either. But the way Heikki had made him feel that night, it was like nothing Sauli had ever felt before. They had been inseparable, until The Fight. (As Sauli deemed it in his head, considering it was one of his most awful memories.)

He had always loved Heikki, even after their break-up. But he never thought he would find love again; at least, not like what Heikki and he had had before everything had fallen to pieces. And then he met Adam. That was when he realized that he wouldn't be loveless the rest of his life. His relationship with Adam was one of the most important things in his life now.

When Sauli had started dating Adam, Tommy and he had hated each other. Tommy thought Sauli was taking over Adam's life, controlling him. And Sauli didn't like the idea of Adam kissing his bassist, even if it was 'just for the fans.' There was a lot of jealousy and anger between Tommy and him that first year. Thankfully, they had become friends, and eventually boyfriends.

And now, all three of them are in a relationship that is incredibly special. Sure, they have their arguments; but what is important is that they love each other unconditionally-no matter what.

"Sauli," Heikki begins, breaking Sauli out of his reverie. "Are you okay?"

Sauli looks at his the man that used to know him so well. "Yes," he says softly. He is suddenly filled with a yearning to feel Heikki again. To feel the love that he knows is still in Heikki's heart. The same love that lingers in his heart also. But he cannot. He is Adam's and Tommy's. He owes that to them. To stay true to his boyfriends.

Before Sauli can voice his feelings, Heikki cups Sauli's face in his hands. "Sauli. I am just going to say it. I want you back. Because...I'm lost without you."


	8. I Feel Like I'm Losing Control

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

_I Feel Like I'm Losing Control_

Sauli watches Tommy take another drink of whiskey straight out of the bottle. Adam would be pissed if he knew he was drinking at two in the afternoon. And he would be even angrier if he knew Sauli is doing nothing to stop it.

Heikki, Katri, Saara, Tommy, and Sauli are sitting around the table in the kitchen, eating a late lunch.

Sauli knows Tommy has suspicions about Heikki: who is he, what is he doing here. Sauli cuddles into Tommy, putting his lips to his ear. "I think that's enough alcohol, Kitty. We have guests."

"Sauli. Can I talk to you? Privately?" Tommy asks pointedly, not even trying to be discreet.

Sauli gives Tommy a dirty look out of the corner of his eye. "Excuse us," he says to the others, getting up from the table and yanking Tommy by the arm.

"What the hell was that?!" Sauli pokes a finger in Tommy's chest once they are standing in the hallway. "You were being completely rude! And not only that-"

"No!" Tommy cuts Sauli off before he can say anything else. "I want to know what the deal is here! You knew they were coming, but 'forgot'-" At this, he makes air quotes with his fingers. "-to mention it to either Adam or me! And I wanna know who this Heikki person is. Who is he, Sauli? Why is he here, in your _boyfriend's_ house? And what the fuck were you doing with him in that bedroom? You had the door locked, Sauli. I tried it." Tommy crosses his arms-hurt, angry, and most of all, confused.

Sauli can feel the tears begin to pool in his eyes. His lower lip trembles. "Heikki is my ex-boyfriend." He sighs shakily, sitting down on the love seat in the hallway. He covers his now tear-streaked face with both hands.

Tommy sinks down beside him, wrapping an arm around Sauli's shoulders. Now he feels bad for being so hard on Sauli. "Hey, it's okay. Sauli. C'mon. Don't cry."

Sauli looks up at Tommy, his eyes wide. "He wants me back!" he sobs, leaning into Tommy.

Tommy wraps his arms tightly around Sauli, trying to comfort him. "Shh...It'll be okay. He's not taking you back. And he's not going to get you back. You're mine and Adam's-no one else's."

Sauli lets out a small sob. "I-I kissed him." His voice breaks as he tries to get the words out. "I'm a horrible boyfriend, Tommy!" He buries his face in Tommy's shoulder.

Thinking of his own 'infidelity,' Tommy rubs Sauli's back. "No, you're not." _If Sauli's a horrible boyfriend, than what am I? I'm having an on-going affair with my boyfriend/boss' drummer. I'm a first-class whore, that's what I am. And Sauli's an angel compared to me._

"What am I going to do?" Sauli mumbles. He pulls away, suddenly panicked. "What if Adam finds out? Adam cannot know about this! Oh my God-what am I going to do?!" Taking Tommy by his shoulders, Sauli shakes him, terrified of what Adam would do if he knew that his boyfriend's ex was staying at his house.

"Sauli! Relax!" Tommy gently pries Sauli's hands off his arms. "Calm down. He's not going to find out. Besides, you didn't even do anything wrong!"

Mouth hanging open, Sauli exclaims, "How did I not do _anything wrong_?! I KISSED MY EX-BOYFRIEND! I _CHEATED_!"

Tommy slaps a hand over Sauli's mouth. "No, you didn't. He won't find out. You just need to calm down. Do you want your Finn friends coming out here, wondering what all the screaming is about?"

Sauli shakes his head, Tommy's hand still covering his mouth. Sauli pulls away, whispering fiercely, "What am I going to do?" And then more quietly, in a very small voice, "Do you hate me?"

Tommy gasps involuntarily, shocked that Sauli would think that he would hate him over such a petty thing. "Of course I don't! How could I hate you? Sauli, I love you more than anything in this world!" Tommy hugs Sauli, holding him tightly.

"O-okay," Sauli says shakily. "I love you, too, Kitty."

"Let's go back in there before your friends come to investigate." Tommy starts to stand up, but is stopped by Sauli placing a hand on his arm.

Sauli looks up at his boyfriend, his baby blue eyes open and innocent. "Tommy. Do not drink anymore whiskey when we go back in there. Please? For me?"

Tommy sighs. How can he resist those beautiful eyes pleading with him hopefully? "Okay."

Katri and Saara both look up, trying to hide their worried expressions, when Tommy and Sauli walk back into the kitchen holding hands. Heikki keeps his eyes averted.

"You guys want to go shopping after lunch?" Sauli asks brightly, sitting back down and taking a drink of milk. He always drinks milk for lunch-one of his Finnish customs. "And then we can go out to dinner somewhere. How about it?"

Saara smiles, glad to see her twin is back to his normal cheery self. "Sounds like fun. Let's do that."

* * *

"How about these? Ya think?" Sauli asks Katri, opening the door of the fitting room and stepping out in a pair of pink skinny jeans. He wiggles his hips suggestively.

Katri grins. "Definitely. And what about these?" She hands Sauli a pair of leopard print jeggings.

"Ooh! Lemme try them!"

"Awesome! You have to get those, also!" Katri exclaims when Sauli comes back out.

Sauli glances in the mirror at his pert little ass. He looks like he poured himself into the pants; they are _that_ tight. And he can't ignore the way the zipper is straining in the front. Adam and Tommy are going to go nuts when they see him in these-no pun intended.

"Whoa." Heikki smacks Sauli on the butt as he walks up behind him. "You look hot."

Sauli whips around, his mouth open. "Heikki!" He can't help but laugh at the face Heikki makes. "You are dirty!" _But I like it._ Sauli realizes that as he watches Heikki retreat into his fitting room. "Get out of there! There are plenty of other dressing rooms you can use!" Sauli doesn't see Katri raise her eyebrows as he follows Heikki into the tiny room, shutting the door behind him. He starts to scold the other man, but stops as Heikki unbuckles his pants, letting them fall to the floor around his ankles. Sauli cannot help but stare at the lump in the front of Heikki's boxers. Recovering his voice, he whisper-shouts, "You have to get out of here! If Tommy sees you in here with me, he'll throw a fit!"

"Let him," Heikki replies, stripping off his shirt. He pulls on a pair of yellow skinny jeans, admiring in the full-length mirror the way they fit. "I think I love America. You would never get away with this in Finland."

Sauli sighs. "No, you would not. You can see now why I love it here." Sauli tugs off his own shirt, slipping into a graphic tee he picked out. "Heikki, you really do need to go in a separate fitting room. Tommy would be royally pissed off if he walked over here right now.

Heikki wraps an arm around Sauli's waist. "I do not think he would be too concerned."

Sauli looks at him, voice sharp as he asks, "What are you talking about?"

"He is out there with some guy. They look pretty, uh, how you say it, cozy?" Heikki gazes back at Sauli steadily.

Sauli nearly flips out. "What?!" he screeches. He flings open the door, rushing out into the store. His eyes scan the heads of all the people shopping until he sees the familiar blonde fringe. Tommy _is_ talking to some guy, laughing with him. Sauli walks over to where the two men are standing, looking through the jeans rack. "Hey."

Tommy glances up, startled. "Sauli! Hey, sweetheart." He wraps an arm around Sauli's waist, pulling him in for a warm hug. "You look cute. I like those pants." He licks his lip, grinning.

It is then that Sauli recognizes the dark-haired stranger as Isaac Carpenter. "Oh! Hey, Isaac! I didn't recognize you for a minute there!"

Isaac's smile is slightly forced, but Sauli doesn't notice. "Hey, Sauli. How are you?"

"Good." Sauli smiles back politely, still clinging to Tommy. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." Isaac continues flipping through the rack.

Sauli studies Isaac, wondering why Adam doesn't like him. Whenever Isaac is around, Adam always seems to be on the edge-pissed off about something. He thinks Adam is being completely unfair; personally, Sauli really cannot see anything wrong with the guy. "Well, I'm going to go try on the rest of my clothes. See ya, Isaac." Glancing around to make sure nobody is watching them, Sauli pecks a quick kiss on Tommy's lips before heading back to the fitting rooms.

Heikki is sitting in one of the chairs outside the dressing rooms. "Katri and Saara are trying on a few more things. Then they will be ready to go."

"Okay." Sauli steps into the room, changing back into his clothes and gathering up his purchases. By the time he comes back out, Katri and Saara are waiting with Heikki. "Ready?"

Nodding, Katri replies, "I am." She holds up a sparkly metallic skirt. The material looks very clingy and very short. "What do you think Sauli?"

"That's hot." Sauli cannot help but imagine Katri's long legs in the mini skirt. "Are you going to wear it tonight?" _Please do._

Katri shrugs. "Oh, I do not know." Seeing Sauli's pout, she laughs. "Okay, okay! I'll wear it for you!" She links her arm through Sauli's. "Show him what you are wearing tonight, Saara!"

Saara pulls a mini dress out of the pile of clothes she's holding. It glitters in the light, and is extremely low-cut.

"Sexy!" Sauli exclaims. _Too bad Adam isn't here; he would love this little shopping spree. But then again, it's better that he's not here._

"Katri needs to get a top. And then we have to look for shoes." Saara links her arm through Sauli's other one. "I am glad you took us shopping, Sauli."

"So am I," Sauli agrees with his twin. "Now, let's get outta here."

* * *

The live music in the bar is deafening, the bass especially heavy. Colored lights are flashing, giving the crowded bar a sultry, sexy vibe. Sauli leads Tommy, Heikki, Katri, and Saara to a table in the back. He watches appreciatively as Katri slides her body past his into the semi circular booth. His eyes travel down her toned, tan legs to the stilettos she bought this afternoon. The strappy, peep-toe sandal has a seven-inch heel and complements her skirt very nicely. Sliding in next to her, he puts an arm around her shoulders. "You look beautiful," he whispers quietly in her ear, toying with the spiky earrings hanging from her lobes. He cannot help but glance down at her chest, where her cleavage is on full display. The halter is extremely tight and very revealing. He can tell she isn't wearing a bra.

Katri smiles a little self-conciously. "Thanks, Sauli. You don't look too bad yourself."

"He looks very sexy," Heikki pipes in, earning a dirty look from Tommy. Heikki is seated at the end of the booth, Saara between him and Katri. Tommy is next to Sauli, at the other end of the booth.

A waitress comes up to their table, a notebook in her hand. "What can I get you guys?" Her dark hair is falling around her shoulders in waves.

Sauli notices Tommy staring at her tiny shorts. Pinching Tommy's side, he hisses, "Cut it out."

Tommy grins sheepishly back at Sauli. "I'll have whiskey," he says to the waitress. "Bourbon distilled."

"Apple martini," Sauli cuts in, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend possessively and effectively letting the waitress know Tommy is taken. It doesn't seem to faze the girl, though. She is still staring at Tommy like he's the hottest thing she's ever seen. _I guess she's attracted to gay men,_ Sauli thinks.

While the others place their drink orders, Tommy gets up. "Gotta take a piss. I'll be right back," he whispers.

Sauli stares after Tommy's retreating back, disgusted. Why does he always have to be so vulgar? Sauli notices Tommy's iPhone lying on the bench. _It must have fallen out of his pocket._ He sets the phone in his lap, intending to give it Tommy when he gets back from the bathroom. Just as Sauli's about to pick up the dinner menu, the phone vibrates. Reflexively, he glances down. One new message received. 'Accept' or 'Ignore.' Knowing he's snooping, Sauli taps 'Accept.' His eyes widen in shock as he reads the words on the screen.

_-I want ur pretty cock in my mouth 2nite, sexy. Come by my place 12, ok? ;)_

The text is from Isaac.

Sauli nearly drops the phone. _What. The. Hell?_ Anger courses through him. He knows immediately that Tommy is cheating on him and Adam. It's starting to make sense why Adam doesn't seem to like Isaac. Does Adam know Tommy and Isaac are having an affair? Or does he just suspect something? Sauli can feel his eyes start to well up with tears. He takes a drink of his martini to hide his distress. Should he confront Tommy about it? Seeing Tommy walking towards the table, Sauli quickly slips the phone back on the bench beside him. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Tommy picks up the phone and slides into the seat.

A flicker of confusion, and then fear, crosses Tommy's face before he masks it with his usual 'I don't give a shit' expression. The incriminating text is still open on the phone's screen. Tommy swallows hard and takes a long drink of whiskey. He doesn't look at Sauli. Tommy knows he has been found out.

Turning away, Sauli tries to lose himself in his friends' cheerful banter; but he can't keep the dark thoughts away. _What's going to happen to the three of us? Tommy is cheating. I want my ex-boyfriend. I'm gay; and yet, I'm starting to have sexual feelings about my co-worker, who happens to be a woman. I don't even know, in a way, who I am anymore. I feel like I'm losing control._


	9. There's No Turning Back

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER NINE**

_There's No Turning Back_

Adam throws his iPhone down on the seat, disgusted. Crossing his arms, he sighs bitchily.

Monte, who is sitting in the front passenger seat of the car, glances back at the singer. "What now?"

"He won't answer the fucking phone! It just keeps going to voice mail!" Adam crabs.

"Who?" Marc asks, turning into the hotel parking lot.

"Sauli!" Adam picks up the phone, shoving it in his pocket. "And Tommy won't answer any of my texts! And I'm fucking tired! And starving!"

Marc and Monte share an exasperated look. Adam always did have a temper, but he usually could control it. Marc slides into a parking spot, cutting the engine abruptly. "Come on. Let's get you something to eat, and then to bed." Marc takes Adam's bag.

Once they have checked in, they go down to the hotel's restaurant for dinner. Adam is just finishing the burger he ordered when he sees both Monte and Marc staring over his shoulder, mouth hanging open slightly. "Chewed food is not an appetizing sight to look at guys."

"Is that Kris Allen?" Marc questions, ignoring Adam's comment.

Whipping his head around, Adam feels his heart skip a beat when he recognizes the dark-haired singer a few table away. Turning back to face his managers, he nods his head in confirmation. "I never told you, but...he was in Phoenix last night, too. Turns out we have relatively the same schedules."

Monte raises his eyesbrows, surprised. "Hmm," he grunts, taking a drink of his Coke. After several long minutes, Monte inclines his head almost imperceptibly. "Don't look now; he's coming over here," he whispers under his breath. Looking up, he grins. "Hey, Kris. How are you doing?" Monte stands up and shakes Kris' hand.

Marc follows suit, exchanging his polite greetings and then stepping off to the side with Monte to greet Kris' managers.

Adam hugs Kris, feeling a little awkward about the other night in his room. "Hey, Kris. Long time, no see," he jokes.

Kris' smile is easy as he returns Adam's hug. He holds on a little longer than is right for two friends. "Yeah," he laughs.

Adam motions for Kris to take a seat in the chair next to his. "You want a drink?"

Kris starts to shake his head, but stops himself. "Sure. Okay."

Adam catches the attention of the waitress, ordering two margaritas. "You guys want anything?" Adam asks the men who are standing, still talking amongst themselves.

"That's okay, Adam. We'll head over to the bar and let you two catch up," Marc says. "See you in the morning-bright and early!"

Adam turns to Kris once the others have left. "Kris, about last night-" Adam starts to say, stopping when Kris begins simultaneously:

"Adam, about tonight-"

They both break into laughter, all tension and awkwardness suddenly evaporated.

"Go ahead." Kris touches Adam lightly on the arm.

Adam's heart skips a beat once again and he feels himself harden. _Dammit! What is wrong with you, Lambert?! He's your _friend_ for God's sake!_ He mentally chides himself, saying out loud, "I didn't mean to do what I did last night, Kris. I don't want to ruin our friendship. I really like and respect the relationship we have." Quickly, he adds, "As friends."

"Adam." Kris sighs, looking down. "You didn't do anything last night. It was me. I was the one who kissed you. And running out on you was wrong. I shouldn't have done that. I mean, I didn't even give you any explanation." Kris glances around the crowded restaurant. "Can we go up to your room? To talk?"

Adam nods. "Absolutely." He waves the waitress over, handing her his credit card. "Charge it."

A few minutes later, Adam finds himself walking up to his room with Kris, and it's like last night all over again. He lets him and Kris into his suite, flicking on a dim lamp. He plants himself on the couch instead of the bed, not wanting to have a repeat of the past night. "What did you want to talk about?"

Kris sits beside Adam, leaving a wide space between their bodies. "Like I was saying down in the restaurant, I owe you an explanation for what I did last night."

Adam raises an eyebrow and purses his lips, cocking his head to one side. "Explain away."

Kris picks at a fingernail, nervous. "Adam, I was attracted to you from the first time I met you. And, as you know, I had just gotten married to Katy." He scratches his forehead, searching for the right words. "And feeling physical attraction to a guy was scary for me. I'm not gay. But I couldn't explain why I had these...feelings... for you." He rests his head in his hands, deflated and slightly embarrassed.

Adam swallows thickly. He had had feelings for Kris when they met; and he was crestfallen when he found out Kris was married. And straight. He still has feelings for Kris to this day; they are just more muted-toned down, basically. But how can he explain that to Kris?

Kris continues, "I had to hide my attraction to you when we were on Idol, Adam. And you don't know how much that tortured me. I was just so confused. Hell, I still am." He shakes his head, disgusted with himself. "For the last three years, you don't know how many times I picked up that phone to call you and tell you how I felt. But I stopped myself every frickin' time!" He slams his fist on the couch.

Adam pulls back a little, startled. He wants to reach over and take Kris in his arms, but he knows that would be stepping over the line of friendship. Even if Kris is confessing all this right now.

"I've wanted you for the last three years, Adam." Kris looks over at his friend, his eyes watery. "And I didn't do a very good job of hiding that from Katy."

His dark eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Adam asks, "What do you mean?"

Shame washes over Kris' face. "She...walked in on me-" his voice breaks. He shakes his head in dismay.

"Go ahead," Adam soothes gently, laying a warm hand on his friend's shoulder.

Kris looks over at Adam, guilt evident in his hazel eyes. "She walked in on me jerking off to your photos."

Adam cannot hide the shock on his face. He coughs. "Oh," he says in a small voice.

Kris buries his flaming face in his knees. "I am so sorry, Adam. I shouldn't have told you that."

"No..." Adam begins slowly. "It's just...shocking...I guess." He grins slyly. "I never thought you, of all people, would lust after me."

Kris laughs, sitting back up. "I never would have thought I was the type of person to lust after _anything_, let alone a _guy_." He suddenly falls quiet.

And just like that, Adam is leaning in; and Kris is leaning forward to meet him. Their lips meet, melding together in warm, gentle kiss. It's so different from anything Adam has ever felt before, he forgets for a minute that he is finally kissing the man he wanted from the day he met him. (The kiss with Kris last night doesn't count in Adam's head because they were technically drunk, and didn't really know what they were doing.) Kris' tongue tracing Adam's lip brings him back into the moment. Slipping his tongue inside Kris' mouth, Adam blindly explores the unfamiliar warmth. He can feel his cock growing harder in response to the kissing. He runs a hand down Kris' chest until he reaches the waistband of his jeans.

Kris groans at the feel of Adam's hand so close to his erection. Grasping Adam by the shoulders, he pushes him down on the couch, straddling him. He can feel how hard Adam is, even beneath their clothing.

The kiss becomes heated then. The two men start grinding against each other with unbridled lust. Not being able to take the pain his of the zipper against his throbbing cock any longer, Adam pushes Kris up. "Bed," Adam gasps. Pushing Kris onto the bed, he climbs on top, resuming the kiss.

Kris runs his fingers through Adam's black hair. He wants more, all of Adam. But he's terrified; he's never had sex with a guy before. Hell, the only person he has ever had sex with is Katy. But there is a first time for everything. He tugs on the hem of Adam's t-shirt.

Adam, knowing immediately what Kris is after, lifts up his body, breaking their passionate kiss. He yanks the designer shirt off his head, tossing it carelessly to the floor. He unbuttons Kris' shirt, spreading it open to reveal his toned chest. Adam stops for a minute, staring at Kris' well-defined abs. Sure, he had seen Kris shirtless in pictures that he would secretly Google at night, but seeing the real thing in person was nothing like looking at photos on a screen.

Kris smiles, breaking Adam out of his reverie by teasing, "Am I that bad to look at? Changed your mind about, well..."

Adam grins down at Kris, no hint of shame at being caught staring. "One look at that-" he motions to Kris' chest "-sends the blood straight to my cock."

Kris' jaw drops, eyes wide at Adam's shamelessness and slight vulgarity.

Adam laughs. "Take off your shirt, prissy." He helps Kris slip out of the shirt. "And...are you gonna look at me any time soon?" Adam asks, for Kris' eyes had never strayed once from Adam's face.

Glancing down, Kris' eyes widen again. With lips slightly parted, he runs his fingers down Adam's freckled chest. He fingers Adam's hard, erect nipples, tracing a fingertip around the silver steel rings piercing his nipples. "Don't these hurt?" he quietly asks, still a little shocked. Sure, he knew people did it, but he's never seen anybody with pierced nipples.

In answer to his question, Adam takes Kris' fingers in his own, pinching one of the rings. He tugs gently, his nipple pulling outward a tiny bit.

Kris watches as Adam's face goes slack. Experimenting, he pulls a little harder, eliciting a cry from Adam. "You like that don't you?" he whispers, his breath hot against Adam's neck.

Adam groans. His cock is aching, the zipper of his pants digging into his flesh. He reaches down, unbuttoning Kris' jeans and slipping three fingers into the waistband of his boxers.

Kris throws his head back, enjoying the feel of Adam's fingers teasing the sensitive skin right above his erection. He fumbles with the button on Adam's jeans, tugging the zipper down at the same time. Now, it's Kris' turn to stare. Breathing heavily, from both being fully erected and the sudden fright of having Adam's huge dick up his ass (because he knows that that is what is about to happen), Kris bites his bottom lip.

Adam laughs at the mixed expressions on Kris' face. "I get that reaction all the time." He grins naughtily.

Kris' mouth drops open in brazen shock.

"Relax! I'm joking!" Adam holds up his hands, palms outward. "I'm not a whore."

Laughing nervously, Kris replies, "I hope not." He looks back down, where Adam's cock is fully erected in front of him. Adam isn't wearing any underwear.

"Sorry," Adam says, not looking the least bit sorry at all. "I guess I should've warned you. I don't like underwear." Adam cocks his head, waiting for a response. Now that he knows Kris jacks off to his pictures, he wants to give him the opportunity to see and touch what is really worthy of jacking off to.

Never having done this before, Kris is a little hesitant. He looks up at Adam, a questioning look in his eyes.

_What the hell,_ Adam thinks, _I might as well take the reins._ He tugs Kris' jeans off, his boxers slipping off at the same time. Adam pauses a moment to admire Kris' completely naked body splayed out in front of him. "You've never done this before, correct?" Adam taps each of Kris' hard nipples, playing with him.

Kris shakes his head, amazed at how just that little touch goes straight to his already throbbing cock. Glancing down once more, Kris whispers hoarsely, "How big are you?"

Straddling him, Adam rests the head of his cock flush against Kris'. He pecks a kiss on Kris' lips. "Erected? Ten inches."

Kris nearly chokes. He is only eight inches at the most; and that's when he is erected. "Wha-what are we going to do? Adam?" His nervousness is mounting every second he thinks about Adam pushing into him.

Adam rotates his hips, his cock leaking on Kris' abdomen. "What are we going to do," he repeats. "Let's see..." He trails a finger down Kris' side, over his ribs, and along the place where his thigh joins his groin. His finger stops at the base of Kris' cock. He keeps their eyes locked as he slowly grasps the younger man's dick, giving it a gentle pull. Adam starts jacking Kris' cock, making him cry out.

Kris wraps his arms around Adam's neck, pulling him down on top of him. He brings his lips to Adam's, opening his mouth in a warm, wet kiss. Reaching a hand between their bodies, Kris grabs Adam's cock, squeezing hard.

Adam shoves his tongue farther down Kris' throat in response. He rubs his thumb over the slit on the head of Kris' dick, making him buck up into Adam with pleasure. Breaking the kiss, Adam slides down Kris' body until his mouth is right next to the tip of Kris' cock. He gives the slit a kiss before sliding Kris' whole length into his mouth. Grasping Kris' hips, Adam shoves his cock down his throat.

"Adam!" Kris' fingers are twined in Adam's hair, his legs slung over the older man's shoulders. He pulls out of Adam's mouth, pushing back in immediately. He really likes the feel of fucking Adam's mouth. Kris can tell that he's already starting to lose control; he's going to come if Adam doesn't stop swallowing him. But right now, he doesn't care-he just wants to keep feeling Adam work him.

Too soon, Adam sits up, pecking another kiss on Kris' cock, which is now covered in his saliva.

Kris whimpers at the loss of Adam's talented mouth. _Why did he stop just when I was about to come?_ "More," he begs, wrapping a hand around the back of Adam's neck and trying in vain to pull his head back down between his legs.

Adam laughs, amused. "Oh, you'll get more, sweetie. Later." Once more, he straddles Kris, crawling over him until his cock is only inches away from Kris' face. "Suck me off," he commands. Seeing Kris' hesitation, he says, "Just do what I did." He guides Kris' head to his throbbing cock, gently pushing into Kris' parted lips. Adam groans, being careful not to be too rough, considering this is Kris' first time. He slowly pumps his dick in and out, each time going a little farther down Kris' throat.

Without hesitation this time, Kris takes Adam's whole ten inches down his throat. His tongue caresses the bottom of Adam's cock, his chin resting against Adam's balls.

Throwing his head back, Adam moans in ecstasy. Knotting his fingers through Kris' hair, he starts fucking his mouth forcefully. Just as he starts losing control, Adam pulls out of Kris' throat, shoving his tongue in Kris' mouth to replace the loss of his hard cock.

Panting, Kris' pulls back. "Why'd we stop?" He grinds himself against the older man in a way that shocks Adam; considering it's coming from his _supposedly_ straight friend.

Adam grins. "Wow, Kris," he says, truly impressed, "I never thought you had that in you!"

Kris buries his red face in Adam's neck. "Please, Adam?" He knows he's begging now, but he can't ignore his aching cock any longer.

Adam pushes Kris down on the mattress. In one motion, he spreads Kris' legs and lifts them onto his shoulders so his ass is raised up. He kisses each of Kris' inner thighs, knowing it will drive him wild. It does. Using his thumbs to gain access to Kris' small hole, he circles the tight ring of muscles with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh my God! Adam!" Kris shoves his ass into Adam's face, wanting more. "That feels damn good!"

Sucking on his middle finger, Adam inserts the digit into Kris' hole, wiggling it back and forth roughly. He adds another finger, stretching Kris open.

Kris' body is moving in time with Adam's rhythm. It burns every time Adam sticks another finger up his ass, but it also feels so good.

Adam now has three fingers in Kris' ass. "You are so tight, baby. Relax...Let Adam work you wide open." With his other hand, he grabs Kris' cock, pumping it. Pulling his fingers out, he earns a moaning whimper from Kris. "It's okay, baby. Hold on a minute..." He hangs over the side of the bed, reaching into his duffle bag and grabbing the lube he had bought earlier that day. He spills a good amount in his palm, coating his cock and spreading it on Kris' ass.

Glancing down, Kris pants, "What are you doing?"

"Lubing up. I'm going to fuck you like you've never been fucked before, Kristopher." Adam crawls on his knees closer to Kris, positioning his cock right next to his hole.

Sitting up in alarm, Kris puts his hands on Adam's chest. Looking down, he gets his confirmation: no condom. Kris nearly hyperventilates. Not really sure how to say it, he stutters, "Uh...what about a... Aren't you forgeting something?" At the blank look on Adam's face, Kris bursts out, "A condom?!" Despite Adam's earlier statement that he is not a whore, Kris knows that he has been with a lot of men, especially considering his experience.

"Oh! Babe, I don't use condoms." At Kris' horrified look, Adam quickly corrects, "Anymore! Shit! That still sounds bad. I mean, the only people I've ever had unprotected sex with are Sauli and Tommy. I get tested regularly, so don't worry-I'm completely safe." Adam smiles. "'Kay?"

Kris still is a little worried. "But..." He doesn't know if he should agree to this; it feels very...unsafe. But he doesn't want to piss Adam off. "You're sure?"

Adam's expression softens. He realizes that this is Kris' first time, and he's scared. "I am sure. It'll be okay. Kris, I-" Adam breaks off before he says something he shouldn't. "It feels so much better going bare-back."

The throbbing in his dick reminds Kris that he really needs to be fucked right now. "Okay," he relents, reclining back on the pillows and pulling Adam down with him. "Do it. Fuck me."

_With pleasure,_ Adam thinks. He pushes the head of his dick against Kris' tight hole. "Relax...it's going to burn a little," he warns. His hands on Kris' hips, he slides into him, slowly stretching the tight ring of muscles open. He pushes farther in until his full length is inside Kris.

Moaning, Kris tosses his head. Adam was right; it does burn. Yet, he has never felt something so mind-blowing.

Adam begins a slow rhythm, in and out. With each thrust, the head of his cock hits that spot inside of Kris, pushing right against his prostate. Wrapping a hand around Kris' tense cock, he can tell Kris is about to lose it. "You don't come until I say you can, okay?" He pumps Kris' dick, jacking him off.

Kris can't even answer. He just nods his head, trying to hold himself back from coming.

Adam, taking that for a good enough answer, pounds into Kris erratically, jacking the younger man's cock at the same time. Adam can feel Kris tensing up, and he knows he isn't going to last much longer himself. "Okay," he pants. "Now, Kris."

Kris lets the intense vibrations take over, and that's the only thing he can feel-wave after wave of pure ecstasy rolling through his body. Never has he felt so good. The orgasm rips through both his lower back and his overly sensitive cock, and then he is coming all over his and Adam's chests. The filmy, white come is all over both of their bodies. Kris is shaking slightly, coming down from his intense orgasm; yet, Adam is still pounding his hard cock into him, over and over again. Kris reaches a hand up, stroking the side of Adam's face gently, lovingly. "Come, honey. Come in me."

With a gasp, Adam's erratic thrusting stills and he explodes in Kris. Adam shakes a little every time he releases another ejaculation. His orgasm is so strong and he is so focused on getting it all out, he doesn't even realize Kris has threaded his fingers through his. Collapsing on Kris, Adam lifts their entwined hands above Kris' head. He plants his lips on Kris', kissing him slowly. With a low moan, Adam slides out of Kris and rolls onto his side.

Groaning, Kris turns to face Adam. "That felt so good, Adam." He smiles shyly up at the older man.

Adam grins. "I don't wanna say it, but, I told you so!"

Kris cuddles into Adam, laughing. He wraps his arms around his friend, Adam doing the same to him. Twisting their legs together, they join their lips in one last, lazy kiss. Sleepily, Kris murmurs into Adam's freckled shoulder, "I love you, Adam."

With a start, Adam realizes he feels the same way. "I love you, too, Kristopher."

Kris snuggles even closer, holding Adam tight in his warm embrace. His eyes drift shut, sleep taking over.

_Well, you have officially gotten yourself in a shit-load of trouble, Lambert. And there's no turning back now._ Those last thoughts linger in Adam's mind until sleep at last claims his exhausted body.


	10. No More Hesitation

**Title of the Series: **_Scars Make Us Who We Are _

**Author:** PsychoGlambertLIVE

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

**Pairing: **Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, Tommy Joe Ratliff/Isaac Carpenter, Sauli Koskinen/Katri Utala

**Rating: **MA18+

**Summary: **Adam is scheduled to go on a radio tour for a week, leaving Sauli and Tommy at home. When something completely unexpected happens on tour, Adam is faced with some very hard decisions. He knows that he has to keep what happened a secret; no one can ever find out. But when Sauli and Tommy discover the truth, other secrets come to light that leave all of them second-guessing their relationship.

**Warning:** Some of the sexual practices depicted in this work of fiction may inappropriate to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission. The names of some of the additional characters appearing in this work of fiction have been changed to protect the individual's identity. The author intends no offense to anyone. The events appearing in the following text are products entirely of the author's imagination and are not meant to be in any way taken as having actually happened. The author owns none of the characters.

**CHAPTER TEN**

_No More Hesitation_

"Heikki!" Sauli exclaims, giggling. Yes, he is drunk. And yes, he is doing things he definitely should not be doing-_with_ his ex-boyfriend.

Heikki pushes Sauli into the pillows, nuzzling his bare abdomen with the tip of his nose. "You like it!" he accuses, laughing.

"FINE!" Sauli screeches. "I LOVE IT! JUST CUT IT OUT BEFORE I THROW UP ALL OVER IN YOUR HAIR!"

That immediately stops Heikki from his impromptu tickle fight. He puts his hands to his hair, feigning horror. "No! Not my hair!"

Giggling, Sauli pulls Heikki down next to him. He knows how much Heikki cares for his long, blonde hair. "You know I would never." Taking a handful of Heikki's silky hair, Sauli divides it into three separate sections and begins braiding it. Back when they were boyfriends, and Sauli still had long hair, they would braid each other's hair when they were laying in bed together. Finishing the first braid, he starts on a second on the other side.

Heikki watches Sauli's face scrunch up in concentration. It's amazing how Sauli can still have control over his fingers after all the alcohol he consumed earlier. Hell, it's amazing Heikki can even _remember_ how many drinks Sauli had had. Heikki kisses Sauli, first on his forehead, then his nose, and finally his mouth. His lips fall open, his tongue exploring Sauli's familiar mouth. Tugging off his boxers, Heikki then helps Sauli slip out of his pajama bottoms, which is the only thing that he is wearing, having long ago lost his shirt somewhere in the darkened room.

Sauli's breath hitches; the feel of Heikki's naked body against his own does not help the erection he's got going between his legs. He grinds his cock against Heikki's hip. "You feel so good," he whispers hotly in his ex's ear, moaning when Heikki reaches down and gives his dick a squeeze. Pulling the covers out from under him, Sauli burrows deep into sheets, Heikki following suit. They resume kissing, touching each other desperately. Before Sauli realizes what is happening, Heikki is on top of him, his cock poised at the edge of Sauli's tight hole. "Wait," Sauli gasps, wriggling out from under the other man. Rifling in the nightstand drawer, he pulls out what he is looking for. Adam keeps bottles of lube scattered around the house so that the three of them can have sex in any room they please without worrying about having to run and get something in the middle of fucking. Sauli hands the tube to Heikki, reclaiming his position beneath his ex.

Heikki quickly rolls a condom on before lubing up himself and Sauli. Crawling between Sauli's spread legs, Heikki trails a finger down the shaft of Sauli's dick, then around his balls. His rims the edge of Sauli's hole before shoving the whole length of his finger inside him. He works Sauli open, soon adding a second finger, and then a third.

Sauli groans, pushing against Heikki's fingers. Blindly, he reaches down to grab Heikki's cock, squeezing and rubbing it until he can't take it anymore. Sauli lifts his legs onto Heikki's shoulders, exposing his stretched hole. A single thought runs through Sauli's mind then. _No more hesitation._

Heikki pulls his fingers out, replacing them with the head of his cock. He enters Sauli easily, burying his dick up to the base. Grasping Sauli's hips, he pulls out, pushing back in quickly. Each time Heikki pushes in, the head of his cock hits Sauli's prostate. Sauli's body is so familiar, Heikki knows exactly how to make him feel good.

Sauli writhes on the bed, fighting the urge to come. He has forgotten how well Heikki knows his body.

Heikki wraps his hand around Sauli's cock, rubbing his thumb over the slit. At the same time, he starts sliding his hand up and down the shaft.

With both his ass and his dick being handled, Sauli cannot hold it back any longer. Twisting the sheets between his fingers, he comes, shooting warm come all over him and Heikki. He grinds down on Heikki's cock, riding out the orgasm. Just as the intense vibrations fade away, Heikki cries out.

Heikki's dick tenses up, releasing the hot white come. He gently pulls out of Sauli's ass, his cock still throbbing from the orgasm. Peeling the condom off, he tosses it in the wastebasket. Laying down beside Sauli, he takes him in his arms.

Sauli cuddles into Heikki's warm embrace, loving the familiarity of his ex's arms. He touches his lips to Heikki's, kissing him deeply. "I'll be right back." Getting up, he pulls on his pajama bottoms.

"Where are you going?" Heikki questions, touching Sauli's hip.

"I need to get something to drink," he explains before walking out the door and shutting it firmly behind him. Letting out a deep breath, he leans against the wall heavily. _What have I done? I cheated on Adam and Tommy with my ex-boyfriend. And I liked it._ He might have drank too much alcohol tonight, but he's not that drunk that he's going to forget what he just did. And he's definitely not going to forget what he saw on Tommy's phone. _Tommy is cheating, too,_ he thinks angrily. _He's cheating right now._ Sighing, he walks downstairs to the kitchen. Seeing a dark figure standing by the window, he stops. "Who's there?" he whispers.

The person turns around. "It is me." Katri's voice.

"What are you doing up?" Sauli asks, taking a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water. He goes over to where Katri is standing.

"I could not sleep." Katri looks over at Sauli, her eyes scanning his face. "What were you doing with Heikki?"

Sauli nearly chokes on the water. He coughs, clearing his throat. "Nothing." He looks away, hoping Katri won't notice his flushed face.

Narrowing her eyes, Katri sighs. "Fine. Do not tell me then."

Feeling guilty, Sauli puts a hand on her shoulder. "Please, Katri. Do not be mad at me. If I tell you, you must promise to tell no one."

Katri nods silently.

Sauli sighs, taking her hand in his. Not knowing how to put this delicately, he decides to just tell her straight out. "Heikki and I had sex."

Katri's mouth drops open in shock. She grabs Sauli's shoulders, her grey eyes staring into Sauli's blue ones. "What?"

Sauli hangs his head. "Don't be mad," he says in a very small voice.

"Oh, honey," Katri hugs him. "I am not mad. I am just...shocked." She touches the bottom of chin, tipping his head up so she can look him in the eye. "Why?"

Sauli's eyes tear up and his chin begins to quiver. Gulping, he chokes out, "Can we go upstairs? It's a long story."

"Of course we can." Katri leads Sauli upstairs to her room. She sits on the bed, pulling him down with her. "Okay. Tell me what happened."

Laying back on the bed, Sauli rubs his hands over his face. He could really use a drink; the effects of the alcohol he consumed earlier are starting to wear off. Sighing, he finally says, "When we were at the bar tonight, Tommy got up to go to the bathroom and his phone fell out of his pocket. I picked it up so I could give it back to him after he got back from the bathroom." Sauli pauses, wondering if he should tell Katri all of this. If Adam ever found out, he'd be pissed. No, he'd be more than pissed-he'd be madder than hell.

Katri puts a hand on his knee. "And what happened then?" she coaxes.

_Whatever-she is my best friend._ Sauli continues, "The phone vibrated when I still had it in my lap. It was a text. And I know that I was snooping, but I was curious. So I opened it. And-" his voice breaks here. Shaking his head, he wills himself to go on. "The text was from Isaac-Adam's drummer."

Katri nods. "What did it say?" she asks quietly.

"I don't remember exactly, but it was something like 'I want your cock in my mouth.' And it said to meet him at his house at midnight." Sauli sniffles. "And that, I am sure, is where he is right now."

"He is having an affair with Adam's drummer?" Katri is shocked. "I assume Adam knows nothing about this?"

Swallowing thickly, Sauli replies, "I think he might have an idea that something is going on. I don't know if he thinks they are having sex, or what he thinks. I do know that whenever Isaac's around, Adam is always tense and pissy-looking."

Katri runs a hand through her short blonde hair. "Okay, so Tommy is having an affair, but... How does this tie into you having sex with Heikki?"

"I figured if Tommy can go and have sex with whomever he pleases, then I can go with Heikki. Besides," he adds, "I know Adam isn't completely faithful either."

Katri is not entirely shocked by Sauli's last statement; she always thought Adam was a playboy. "Do you have proof?"

"No," Sauli admits, "Just thoughts. Tommy is the one who suggested it-that he is having sex with other guys when he's on tour. Such as this one that he's on right now."

Katri lays down beside Sauli. "Do you think Tommy has direct proof?"

"I don't know." Sauli looks at Katri. "You would think he would tell me if he did. But maybe he's keeping it from me to protect me. I don't know." He turns on his side, wrapping his arms around Katri. "I'm just so upset," he murmurs into her shoulder. "I cheated. I know Tommy's cheating. And God only knows what Adam is doing." Tears begin to fall silently down Sauli's cheeks. "What do I do, Katri?"

"Well, you need to stay away from Heikki for one thing." Katri runs a hand through Sauli's curls. "And maybe you should talk to Tommy about this tomorrow. I do not know if I would go telling Adam just yet."

Sauli studies Katri's face. Without thinking, he brings his lips to hers, kissing her softly. Katri, surprised at first, moves her lips against his after a slight pause. Reaching up, Sauli gently frames her face with his hands, pulling their heads closer together. Her lips on his sends a spark through Sauli that he never before felt for a woman. Pressing their bodies together, Sauli deepens the kiss. He can feel himself harden in response to her hand on his bare back. He nudges a leg between hers, lifting up her leg and hooking it over his hip. Katri pulls him closer, running her fingers along the waistband of his pajama pants. Rolling on top of her, Sauli slips his hands under her t-shirt, cupping her breasts.

"Sauli!" Katri gasps. She slips her hands into his pants, tugging them off.

"You feel so good," Sauli murmurs into her neck. He squeezes her breasts, shivering in pleasure at the feel of Katri's hands on his ass. He lifts her shirt up, and she helps him slip it over her head. He pulls off her cotton shorts, then kicks off his pants, which are twisted around his ankles. Fingering her lacy underwear, he remembers the first time Tommy wore a lacy thong for him and Adam. (Well, it was mostly for Adam's benefit back then, considering both his and Tommy's lives revolved solely around Adam. Their lives still revolve around Adam, but at least now him and Tommy have each other. Or they used to, until all this hit the fan.)

Sauli runs a finger across the lace. "Why are they called boyshorts?" he wonders out loud.

Katri laughs. "I have no idea, Sauli."

"Hmm." Sauli tugs the boyshorts off, touching her lightly on her bikini area. She spreads her legs, inviting him in. Sauli has never had sex with a woman; hell, he's never had any physical attraction towards a woman. But with Katri, it's completely different. He is physically attracted to her. And touching her excites him. He positions himself between her spread legs, his cock poised at her opening. "Are you sure?" he whispers in her ear.

Katri wraps her arms around Sauli's neck, pulling him close. "Yes," she whispers back. "I am very sure." She lifts her body up, urging Sauli on.

_I can't believe I am fucking my best friend. And on top of it, I'm cheating twice in one night._ Those are the last thoughts that run through Sauli's head as he enters her in one smooth motion, like he's done this a million times before.

* * *

Tommy twists his fingers in dark hair. Groaning, he pushes down on Isaac's dick, which is up his ass at the moment. He is straddling the drummer, his cock rubbing against Isaac's abdomen. "It's a good thing your wife decided to go see her parents this week; I don't know where we would've done this otherwise." He bounces up and down, knowing it drives the other man crazy. And it makes him feel so fucking good inside.

Isaac's reply is cut off by a cry of pleasure as he comes, spurting warmly in Tommy's ass. He jacks Tommy's dick; he can tell he is very close to coming. Rubbing his thumb over the slit does the trick.

"Isaac!" Tommy moans as he explodes onto Isaac's chest. He pushes in time with the vibrations, spilling his white come all over. Exhausted, he lets himself fall forward, Isaac's dick slipping out of his ass as he does. He cuddles into Isaac's chest, his come squishing wetly between their bodies. Isaac's arms wrap around him, holding him closer. Tommy buries his face in Isaac's neck, breathing in his cologne.

Running his finger along his chest, Isaac brings the digit to his mouth, licking Tommy's come off of it. "Yum."

Tommy laughs. "You're so dirty," he teases, only joking. In Tommy's opinion, tasting his come is saintly compared to some of things that they did tonight.

"Tell me something I don't know," Isaac jokes back.

Tommy slaps him playfully on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up." He grabs his clothes off the floor on his way to the bathroom. Grabbing a washcloth, he cleans himself up the best he can. Sitting on the toilet with the lid down, he takes his iPhone out of his jeans pocket. Ten missed calls and nineteen new text messages. All from Adam. Tommy swallows guiltily, already thinking of some excuse for not answering his phone. He decides to deal with that later; he has more pressing issues to contend with at the moment. Such as the text from Isaac that Sauli read. Chewing on his lip, he pulls his underwear on, wondering how he's going to bring this up to Isaac. He finishes getting dressed, finger-combing his hair so it looks at least somewhat presentable.

"C'mere, beb," Isaac calls as Tommy steps out of the bedroom's adjoining bathroom.

Tommy sits on the edge of the bed. "I have something to tell you, Isaac," he says quietly, looking down.

Concerned, Isaac sits up. "Let me go get dressed. Hold on a minute." He pecks a kiss on Tommy's forehead before padding to the bathroom.

Five minutes later, he is sitting beside Tommy. "Okay. What did you have to tell me?"

Tommy takes a breath, steeling himself. "Sauli knows." At Isaac's confused look, Tommy explains, "He saw your text on my phone tonight."

Isaac's eyes widen in shock. His mouth opens, but he is speechless. "What?" he finally chokes out.

Tommy nods miserably. "What am I going to do?!" he wails. "Sauli can't keep a fucking secret for the life of him! Adam's going to find out!" He is now hysterical. "You and I will both be done! Adam'll kick us both out of the band! AND I'LL BE DUMPED!" At this last part, Tommy throws himself into Isaac's arms, frightened at what Adam will do to him if and when he ever finds out.

Isaac strokes Tommy's fringe. "It'll be okay. We'll figure something out." He tries to reassure Tommy, even though he is kind of scared himself. If Adam does find out, he will definitely put the blame on him rather than Tommy. "It'll be okay," he repeats.

Tommy cuddles into Issac. He doesn't know what's going to happen now that Sauli knows about him and Isaac. But one thing is for sure, when-not _if_-Adam finds out, he will be in for a shit-load of trouble.


End file.
